Sleepless Nights

Author: Veronica

  • Results

    I had a whole long post written in my head, but then Amy went to bed and my tiredness schwacked me in the head, so I will be brief.

    Biopsy showed that the tumour is definitely cancer. The tumour is covering all three of the major openings to Nan’s left lung, so surgery would require the whole lung to be removed.

    But, surgery is a possibility, depending entirely on the results of a PET scan. PET scans take about a fortnight to book into too (waiting list) and we will have to travel to Melbourne to get it done.

    Then, after we get THOSE results, treatment options can be discussed.

    The good news though? The cancer is a “squamous cell non-small cell lung cancer” which means that it is a slower growing cancer. (Name is provided for anyone wanting to google it or whatever. Also for Mum).

    So, I need everyone to pray that the nodules of possible cancer that the CT scan picked up are not in fact actual cancer. I need you to pray that the lymph nodes are not involved. I need you to pray that the pain Nan is feeling in her side is not the cancer moving to her bones.

    Okay? Because having the PET scan show that those things haven’t happened would be fantastic.

    And I need that right now.

  • Flooded

    I was going to write a post all about sleep and lack of it.

    Then disaster struck! AND…

    My blog flooded.

    It had fish and everything. Tell me, how did fish get into my blog?

    Then the flooding got worse.

    Now, I might be super-speedy mouse catching woman, BUT I am not a big fan of deep water and somehow leaving my blog to dry out was better than having to use scuba gear to write in.

    (Shuddup about how I am writing this. I can hold my breath or something like that)

    ****

    Tomorrow we get the results from Nan’s biopsy. Think good thoughts for us.

    And don’t drown as you leave a comment, okay? Drowning is bad.

    Flood via Netdiaster.com

  • Dear Neighbours…

    Hi! You might recognise me, I am the mother of the family that moved into this bedraggled house in March. I would just like to let you know, that if you continue to rev your loud ass car up and down my road at 10pm on a Sunday, you might just find me outside with a large stick, ready to jam it up your arse.

    You might not realise this, but I have a 22 month old little girl who doesn’t sleep much. SO I would really appreciate you not waking her the fuck up, just as I am about to go to bed.

    Sincerly, Veronica.

    PS. I have a good store of wooden planks filled with nails. You might want to check the road out with a torch before you ever try this again. Thanks.

    ****

    So, last night the neighbours were being young, noisy boys and revving their cars up and down the highway. Which would have been annoying, but mostly okayish, had their cars actually still had their mufflers intact.

    Amy woke often, crying for Daddy [I can only assume that Daddy is the go to man for scary car noises], which was all well and good, until he had to leave for work.

    Once Nathan left, I was stuck with a pissed off, non sleeping toddler. On my own. In the middle of the night.

    She didn’t sleep one bit. Not one freaking IOTA of fucking sleep was had between the hours of 11pm and 6am this morning. NOT ONE.

    Needless to say, when Nathan walked in the door this morning, he was met with a little girl happily squealing ‘DADDEEEEE! HI DADDEEEE!’ in the middle of the loungeroom.

    I didn’t even bother getting out of bed, just told him that she hadn’t slept all fucking night, cursed the neighbours a little and went back to sleep myself.

    Darling man let me sleep.

    Amy however needed to reassure herself that I was still home by running into the bedroom every 30 minutes to share whatever needed sharing [cold feet, snotty noses, a banana, and lastly, a can of diced tomatoes and a can opener].

    You would think after not sleeping at all over night, that she would at least have a nap for me, right?

    WRONG!

    She stayed awake and happy all day. At least until she curled up on my lap at 5pm and promptly passed out. 2 hours before bedtime.

    Sigh, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be a good night.

    She’s in her bed now, fast asleep (thank goodness she had had her nappy changed shortly before passing out, we had also managed to eat dinner) and I am in my bed, typing this and getting ready to snuggle with a book for an hour.

    Then? It’s an early night.

  • Schwacking and Nearly There

    Please ignore the fact that I am showing nothing but a tail and a bum, but this is my newest resident. Or it was.

    I caught this with MY HANDS in the house today.

    I was laying on the matress we had thrown into the middle of the loungeroom floor (it was cold, Amy was miserable and I was exhausted. Snuggling in the lounge all day sounded good) and I looked over towards the study.

    ZIP! went a brown flash. ZIP! it went again. I bounced up, parked myself in front of the zippy mouse so that it was stuck in the corner (it was hiding behind the steam mop) and yelled for Nathan to grab me a glass so I could catch it.

    Because CONTRARY to popular belief, I am actually quite soft hearted and have a hard time schwacking mice when I am presented with them.

    Nathan handed me the glass and went and grabbed a cat, just in case.

    I moved towards the mouse and the furry brown flash ZIPPED it’s way past me, into a pile of odd and ends. Nathan started lifting things and I held my trapper (the glass) ready.

    ZIP! ZOOM! ZREEECH!

    [It was a very fast mouse]

    The mouse zoomed past me AND….

    Got itself hidden underneath the green article of clothing you see pictured above.

    (Said green article is used to a) help keep my pants up and b) cover anything that might want to show when I have to unbutton my pants due to pregnancy.)

    I darted over to the hidden mouse, cupped my hands around it and picked it up. The mouse squirmed ALOT and I may have squealed a little bit.

    Nathan tried to rush me out of the door, as I frantically found the camera and snapped a photo. A cat was procured, the mouse’s tail was held (by me) and the mouse had a quick death.

    At least, that is what I like to think. Once the cat got hold of it, I didn’t bother trying to keep an eye on them. I just put the cat outside and ran around gloating that I was super speedy mouse catching woman!

    One down, who knows how many left to go. It’s going to be a long winter…

    And we are almost there. I am 11 weeks and 3 days today and so far so good. The spotting has been mostly stopped for a while (I still have the occasional bit of pinkness, but nothing much) and I am still feeling decidedly pregnant.

    Soon, very very soon, I will start watching for the end of the morning sickness and exhaustion. God knows I will be very happy to see the back of them.

    In the meantime, I will be paying alot of attention to my belly. I started feeling Amy move at about 12 and a half weeks (I blame my skinniness) and I am definitely ready for it again.

    Oh and I weighed myself the other day, I weighed 62kg (136lb) when I fell pregnant, when I weighed myself this time I was 57kg (125lb). Sigh. I suppose I will just have to hope that I manage to gain it back.

  • Stretched Thin

    My firewood was supposed to arrive today. So, I didn’t spend the day locking us in Amy’s room and sleeping, I didn’t spend the day playing in a warm bath with Amy, and I didn’t spend the day in my pajamas on the couch with a book.

    I would have much preferred to do those things, rather than waiting endlessly on a guy who never showed up.

    BEFORE the weekend he said, I’ll make sure I’m there he said.

    I say HAHAHAHFUCKINGHAHA.

    Next time I’m just gonna stay in my pj’s and bugger everyone else.

    I did however get things done today. Like the cooking for Nathan’s birthday lunch tomorrow (I could totally have done it in my pj’s). And Nathan cleaned up the trainwreck of a house and washed the dished while I dried.

    [Again, I could have stayed in my pj’s for that]

    I spent 2 hours trying to get Amy to nap, before giving up and letting her get back up. I didn’t let her pour salt all over the kitchen floor, but she did it anyway.

    I wouldn’t have let her fingerpaint with guacamole had she given me a choice. Unfortunately when you are 22 months Mummy’s wants and needs are very unrealistic.

    [Leave your nappy on. Do not stick that in your vagina. Don’t feed the dog your lunch when you are still hungry. DO NOT empty my kitchen drawers onto the floor. Stop shaking your drink all over the floor. GET YOUR BLOODY FINGERS OUT FROM MY CHOPPING BLOCK WHILE I AM CHOPPING THINGS.]

    And to add to the stress, Nan had her bronchoscopy today. Thankfully the doctor was able to take a sample of the primary tumour for testing. This means that Wednesday when we see the doctor we will know what we are dealing with.

    We will hopefully know what type of cancer it is and how fast it is likely to move without treatment. Nan will hopefully be able to discuss a treatment plan.

    We will know more than we do now.

    Knowledge is power and all that.

    I feel stretched thin.