Author: Veronica

Funny, a lot of people lately have asked me what Tasmania is like.

[To all the Aussies that read my blog, I am writing this for the benefit of the readers who are from other countries. These are my opinions and observations and are in no way set in stone]

Now, let me see. It gets hotter than hot in summer and colder than cold in winter. Through Spring and Autumn the weather really doesn’t know what it is doing.

You can wake up to heavy frosts, wait for the sun to burn the fog off, take off your eleventy hundred layers of clothes and swan around in a t-shirt, only to be soaked in rain falling sideways.

Or you can have 35C days in September (early Spring), only to have them followed by a dreary day of 11C and rain.

Or you can have snow in November (late Spring).

Sounds like fun, no?

It is actually. I love Tasmania, I love the unpredictability of the weather. I love how we are an island and that if we wanted, we could drive from one end to the other in under a day.

I’m not sure how different being pregnant and giving birth is here to the US is. I gave birth to Amy in the Hospital with a midwife in attendence the whole time (standard practice). A doctor will check on you if you need it, but mostly you are left with one midwife (or 2 if you labour through a shift change).

The midwives encourage you to eat and drink during labour (I was given sandwiches that I promptly gave to Nathan and orange juice which was lovely). They also suggest that you bring along glucose lollies to help with energy levels, which I know is pretty different from the US practise of ice chips only. (Correct me if I am wrong there).

All babies are ‘roomed in’ with their mothers and are only taken off to the nursery if you request it or are too sick yourself. Mostly the babies that end up in the nursery, if not sleeping, end up being carried about with the midwives. I remember a midwife checking on me after Amy was born and she was holding 2 babies while she did her rounds.

Our NICU is called NeoNats (NeoNatal Intensive Care) and the son of my friend spent 13 weeks in there. (He was born at 27 weeks). She wasn’t charged a cent for it.

Breastfeeding is encouraged from early prenatal visits and the midwifes are really very hesitant to let mothers give up on it, at least to begin with. We don’t get given formula samples or coupons, so if you do decide to formula feed, or can’t breastfeed, you don’t get any formula free or at a reduced price. (I would have loved to have gotten free samples or coupons. I had plenty of people who would gladly have accepted them from me!)

I have no idea if this actually helps with how many mothers start and keep breastfeeding though.

Unless you are right in the suburbs, the public transport is pretty crappy. I am feeling ‘in touch’ and lucky because I just discovered a bus to Hobart runs past my door at 7am and would bring me home again at 5.15pm. It only runs once a day, but I am thrilled! It means that I would actually be able to get into town if I wanted.

We don’t have passenger trains (although I think we should) or trams. Taxi’s are very expensive, but I used to occasionally catch one home from work when I lived and worked in the city.

My particular suburb has around 6 houses and a pub. I don’t know my neighbours and therefore I will go days without talking to anyone except Amy, Nathan and Mum (on the phone).

Primary School runs from Kindergarten – Grade 6. Then our High School is Grade 7 – Grade 10. Then once Grade 10 is completed, you head to College (Grade 11 – Grade 12 and sometimes Grade 13) or TAFE (Skills and Cert Training).

College, TAFE and University are optional. Some teenagers (like I did) land a job and do on the job training as apprentices or trainees straight out of grade 10. [Okay, so I did 3.5 months of grade 11. Don’t yell at me]

Uhmmm, really, what else do you want to know about? If you ask me, I will do follow up posts, or I will go into more depth with stuff. Sorry there aren’t more photographs of stuff, I haven’t been into town recently. HOWEVER, I plan to be in town sometime this week, so if you would like to see some photos of Hobart, let me know and I will see what I can do.

Duct tape.

You all know I am a big fan of duct tape. Duct tape cures everything, fixes everything and I think in a pinch, you could probably use it to wax your legs (anyone know if this is true? Feel free to ‘fess up). So what you need to do, is kind of create a bra from duct tape and then stick your boobs into a perky position.

You know, as in not down near your belly button.

I think the best way to accomplish this would be to stand on your hands and then get your husband/partner/friend/sister to duct tape them that way. Then, you flip (or flop, depending on your acrobatic abilities) back into an upright position and BANG, perky boobs.

Want it really badly. The J-Lo approach.

Now, this next one is the J-Lo approach. You need to want it really badly. Deep down you KNOW that there is nothing wrong with your boobs and therefore they should not be sagging. Keep reminding yourself that you want this really badly, there is nothing wrong and BANG, perky boobs.

[It is to be noted that J-Lo’s approach may only work with conceiving twins after a few years of infertility. It may not have any effect on your perfectly healthy breasts. However, it did seem to have a fantastic effect on her perfectly healthy reproductive system. Not that her many trips to an infertility clinic had anything to do with it though.]

Tie your nipples to your ears.

Now this one is likely to make some women cringe. You take a set of nipple clamps –

and attach them to your nipples. Hopefully if you are anything like me, the time you spent breatfeeding will have completely numbed your nipples. However, if your nipples still have sensation or you didn’t breastfeed, then I recommend this product.

Once you have the clamps applied, then simply attach string and hoist your boobies up into a perky position. Tie off. Your ears are a good tie off point. BANG! Perky boobs.

Lay in a pool on your back in freezing conditions.

Now have you noticed how when you lay in the bathtub your boobs float and seem to resume some sort of pre-child shape? Well, I am going one better.

You need to find an unheated swimming pool in the middle of winter. Then, you need to float on your back topless in it (it would probably help if there was no-one else using the pool. Midnight is a good time. While you do this, you need someone (husband/partner/friend/sister) to photograph them.

This method is slightly less permanent than the other 3, but the good thing is, you get a photograph of your perky boobs, seemingly untouched by anything. You will need photoshop abilities though to remove the goosebumps and blue tinge from your skin.

So there you go, 4 easy and relatively painless (hahahah) methods of reperkifying your breasts.

**********

I, the author take no responsibility for duct tape burn, dashed hopes, nipple contusions or hypothermia. But hell, if you want to try any of these methods (or have tried them in the past) feel free to let me know! I am always interested in new ways to reperkify my boobs.