Sleepless Nights

Author: Veronica

  • NICU is a rollercoaster

    NICU is a rollercoaster. And I say that knowing full well that the only challenge Evelyn faces currently is feeding and gaining weight, which are not the major challenges a lot of early babies face.

    We went this from this morning being told that if she fed well, she would be moved onto the ward with me, to finding ourselves having to put in an NG tube after a few bad blood sugar readings. Then a few great blood sugar readings, (potentially making the NG tube null and void), back to crap readings and knowing that the ward was well out of her reach currently. From breastfeeding on demand, I’m now having to express an extra 20mls of milk to top her up after each feed. Not a huge deal, but my milk isn’t in yet. Formula is not the devil, but I’d prefer to avoid it if I can.

    Evelyn’s heels are red raw from the blood draws and the nurses are getting progressively unhappier about having to take more blood.  We won’t talk about the bruising from her IV (unneeded and since removed), or the allergic reaction her arm had to the tape that was used to secure it.

    Hormones don’t help, and everything u psets me, but mostly the thought of having to go home and leave her here, an hour away. Not that we’re at that point yet, but it’s on the cards at this stage.

    They’re still thinking that she is close to 36 weeks, her strong suck (when she finally latches) don’t speak of a baby younger than that.

    But it still sucks. Also sucking is hospital food. What kind of fish burgers have spiky bones in them? Mine, apparently.

    Blech. It will be okay.

  • Welcoming…

    We are delighted to announce the safe arrival of Evelyn Kathleen. Born at 4.02pm and weIghing 2.385kg (5lb2oz).

    Evelyn is spending some time in the Special Care nursery, just while they assess her feeding. However she has avoided a nasal gastric tube, due to her ability to breastfeed for 40 minutes straight. Not bad for a suspected Preemie. (34ish weeks, but she’s acting like a 36+ week baby at present.)

    I am doing as well as can be expected, which is to say I am hormonal and teary. But my vagina isn’t broken and that is always a bonus!

  • Progressively expanding

    Here I am at almost 35 weeks, by the original reckoning. Of course, no one knows anymore exactly how far along I am, so who knows? It’s possible I’m 38 weeks, and probable that the babe is measuring close to 39 weeks at this stage.

    Me however, I’m in the hell that is prelabour. Crampiness, pressure, bloody show and not a baby to show for it. It’s pretty crap. The hell that is prelabour means that my creative thoughts are limited to:

    “Prelabour sucks.”

    “God I am sick of being pregnant.”

    “Dear baby, can you just come out now?”

    “This sucks.”

    Which, as you can imagine, is not terribly conducive to writing a blog. I’m also trying to get my headspace sorted out, because the last time I was this pregnant, my grandmother was dying. It’s a bit headfucky and I miss her terribly right now.

    In conclusion, I’m very ready to meet my daughter, and grief is not a linear event.

    How are you?

     

     

  • On trust issues and labour

    I have pre-hospital nerves. This shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. My good experiences with the doctors at the hospital can be counted on one hand and having a gentically rare condition that went undiagnosed for years doesn’t help.

    Being told that you’re faking illness when you’re not, tends to lend a certain level of distrust to any further medical interactions.

    It’s hard, knowing that I am going to give birth sometime soon and not entirely trusting the team that I may end up with. For the two births I’ve had, one was a disaster and one was amazing. Both of these were due to the medical team that was part of the proceedings.

    I’m writing this, just to get it out of my head. If I can talk through my distrust of the entire medical system, then maybe I can get over it enough to stop stressing about going into the hospital when I go into labour. Maybe I can move past it and relax enough to let my body do what it wants to do.

    I’m sure it will be okay. This is my third baby and I know what I am doing. I am also not a teenager anymore, being popped into the “naughty girl” box.

    I’m sure it will be fine. I just needed to talk about it.

  • 34 weeks, or 37 weeks?

    Here I am, pregnant. This is today’s photo.

    If I was better with photoshop, I could have fixed all of the flaws, but I’m not and I didn’t.

    The question is Internet, how far along am I? 34 weeks? Or 37 weeks? No one can really decide.

    But! Considering I have an entire Internet at my disposal, I thought I’d ask your opinion. For comparison, I’ve included photos of my pregnancy with Isaac.

    2008 Pregnant with Isaac 33w

    33 weeks with Isaac.

    37 weeks

    37 weeks with Isaac.

    39 weeks.

    39 weeks with Isaac.

    To be honest, I feel closer to 37 weeks and the prelabour supports my theory.

    If you’re so inclined, leave your best guess in the comments, as well as when you think I’ll finally deliver. Official due date is 31st August, and the recent ultrasound dates said the 6th of August. Nathan has put his money on the 2nd of August and I’m saying anywhere in the next two weeks.

    The winner gets to know that they are awesome.