Cancer

Good News!

by Veronica on November 6, 2008

in Cancer

Great news! Nan’s main tumour has shrunk by more than half (from 23x26mm to 16x9mm) and the smaller secondary nodules (that weren’t targeted by the radiation) have also shrunk (from 7mm to 5mm and 7mm to 6mm).

So the lifestyle changes, dietary changes and everything have all contributed to a really positive result. They don’t want to see Nan for another 2 months, because at this point in time she is healthy and well and they don’t want her to have treatment that will make her sick until she needs it.

So the next appointment will be in 2 months time!

Looks like we are going to have a great Christmas!

(Also, a photo post will be up shortly, just so I can annoy Lotus, hehe. You hear that hun?)

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And then.

by Veronica on August 2, 2008

in Cancer, Headfuck

It’s glaring; the blank page I sit in front of. Many nights I just can’t face it and so I click away, without writing anything. I think about plenty of things that I would like to share with you, but when it comes time to put words onto the screen, my articulate nature fails me and nothing feels right.

Things beep in the background, the dryer is running and I watch TV as I comment on your blogs. My attention feels constantly half diverted. Listening for a waking toddler, listening for the silence that heralds naughtiness of all kinds.

My brain races at 100 thoughts a second, I try and pull a singular thought out to share with you, but it slides away eel like; out of my grasp. There is so much to share and yet, I draw a blank.

The baby wiggles and I can feel her/him a little more every day. A little more regular, a little stronger. I am looking forward to the day when I can feel movement enough to share with Amy, but for the moment I am content to keep it all as mine. Selfish. The movements keep me sane through random bleeds and days of emotional instability.

I must admit, I can’t be the easiest person to live with at the moment.

You see, the news we got back about Nan wasn’t good. As well as the primary tumour, there are cancerous lymph nodes and what looks to be secondary tumours in both lungs.

Inoperable.

Treatment will be given and taken accordingly, but it has left me struck dumb.

And so, I sit in front of the blank screen, unsure of what to write about. Sure life goes on and more so life with a toddler, but trying to avoid thinking about something always leaves me thinking and wondering.

Amy however, has none of these issues and continues to drive me insane. She climbs the walls, LITERALLY. How the fuck am I meant to keep anything in order when she can CLIMB? UP MY WALLS!

Actually, how the fuck am I meant to keep anything in order full stop.

So.

Tell me a story. Make me laugh. Direct me to a post of yours that needs comment love. Distract me my lovely internets. If you really can’t think of anything, tell me who your favourite blogger is at the moment [so I can stalk them too].

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Results

by Veronica on July 9, 2008

in Cancer, Life

I had a whole long post written in my head, but then Amy went to bed and my tiredness schwacked me in the head, so I will be brief.

Biopsy showed that the tumour is definitely cancer. The tumour is covering all three of the major openings to Nan’s left lung, so surgery would require the whole lung to be removed.

But, surgery is a possibility, depending entirely on the results of a PET scan. PET scans take about a fortnight to book into too (waiting list) and we will have to travel to Melbourne to get it done.

Then, after we get THOSE results, treatment options can be discussed.

The good news though? The cancer is a “squamous cell non-small cell lung cancer” which means that it is a slower growing cancer. (Name is provided for anyone wanting to google it or whatever. Also for Mum).

So, I need everyone to pray that the nodules of possible cancer that the CT scan picked up are not in fact actual cancer. I need you to pray that the lymph nodes are not involved. I need you to pray that the pain Nan is feeling in her side is not the cancer moving to her bones.

Okay? Because having the PET scan show that those things haven’t happened would be fantastic.

And I need that right now.

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Stretched Thin

by Veronica on July 4, 2008

in Cancer, Life

My firewood was supposed to arrive today. So, I didn’t spend the day locking us in Amy’s room and sleeping, I didn’t spend the day playing in a warm bath with Amy, and I didn’t spend the day in my pajamas on the couch with a book.

I would have much preferred to do those things, rather than waiting endlessly on a guy who never showed up.

BEFORE the weekend he said, I’ll make sure I’m there he said.

I say HAHAHAHFUCKINGHAHA.

Next time I’m just gonna stay in my pj’s and bugger everyone else.

I did however get things done today. Like the cooking for Nathan’s birthday lunch tomorrow (I could totally have done it in my pj’s). And Nathan cleaned up the trainwreck of a house and washed the dished while I dried.

[Again, I could have stayed in my pj’s for that]

I spent 2 hours trying to get Amy to nap, before giving up and letting her get back up. I didn’t let her pour salt all over the kitchen floor, but she did it anyway.

I wouldn’t have let her fingerpaint with guacamole had she given me a choice. Unfortunately when you are 22 months Mummy’s wants and needs are very unrealistic.

[Leave your nappy on. Do not stick that in your vagina. Don’t feed the dog your lunch when you are still hungry. DO NOT empty my kitchen drawers onto the floor. Stop shaking your drink all over the floor. GET YOUR BLOODY FINGERS OUT FROM MY CHOPPING BLOCK WHILE I AM CHOPPING THINGS.]

And to add to the stress, Nan had her bronchoscopy today. Thankfully the doctor was able to take a sample of the primary tumour for testing. This means that Wednesday when we see the doctor we will know what we are dealing with.

We will hopefully know what type of cancer it is and how fast it is likely to move without treatment. Nan will hopefully be able to discuss a treatment plan.

We will know more than we do now.

Knowledge is power and all that.

I feel stretched thin.

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