Soapbox

Unsolicited free stuff, a serious complaint.

by Veronica on March 4, 2013

This morning I received unsolicited free products in the mail. My children were excited – since I stopped saying yes to PR stuff, the packages here have dropped off and they’ve been unimpressed with their lack of free stuff. Even when that free stuff was a handcream I was never going to blog about.

We opened up the box and discovered Kellogg’s new liquid breakfast drinks.

Now, I need to state, Kellogg’s have, in the past, been incredibly good to me. They’ve sent me cereal when Isaac wouldn’t eat anything except cereal. They’ve sponsored me to attend conferences and flown me around the countryside.

But this time they’ve missed the mark. In fact, they’ve missed it by so much that they’re no longer even playing in my ballpark.

Firstly, the two breakfast drinks I was sent were CocoPops and Nutrigrain. Both cereals I refuse to buy because they have too much sugar to not enough good stuff ratio.

Secondly, we’ve recently started Isaac on the FODMAP diet. Kellogg’s didn’t know this, so they get a pass. In fact, hardly anyone knew this yet, because I’ve not really spoken about it. So while I wasn’t going to give the sweetened milk drinks to my children for breakfast, I was kind of hoping they could have them as a treat. I’m not averse to treats. I have them all the time.

I read the ingredients though and was a bit flabbergasted. Firstly, low fat milk? LOW FAT MILK? Geez. I know we’re currently in a food culture swing of “fat is bad, OMG FAT”, but it’s not true. Children especially need fat for their brain development and therefore, in my opinion children should always eat full fat dairy.

The second ingredient on both products was sugar.

Head, desk.

You know that there is something wrong when we’re removing fat from food and replacing it with sugar.

Listen, I’m not anti-sugar. In fact, I happen to adore sugar. But having sugar as the second ingredient in a product designed to be a kids breakfast drink?

No. Just no.

The ingredients then go on to list a whole host of other things, including stabilisers, flavours, added minerals and vitamins (FYI, adding extra calcium and vitamin D doesn’t get you past the sugar debacle) “flavours” and acidity regulators. All this in something that is essentially chocolate milk. For breakfast.

I mentioned to Mum that it was terrible, but that I wasn’t going to say anything because let’s face it, Kellogg’s has spent a lot of money on me in the last 2 years. But then, she asked, doesn’t that effectively mean that they’ve bought my silence?

I don’t want to be that person who plays down the negatives of something because of brand loyalty, or fear of opportunities passing by later down the track.

So, Kellogg’s, hear me out.

I think these breakfast drinks are a ridiculous product. You’d be better off marketing them as pure chocolate milk, rather than something nutritious and suitable for breakfast every day. That’s my honest feedback and you’re welcome to it.

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Actually, it’s not disgusting or offensive

by Veronica on December 17, 2012

in Soapbox

Sitting outside of Kmart today in a quiet corner, I was nursing Evelyn. Isaac had followed his father into the newsagent and so I sat, alone, holding Evie’s hand to stop her tearing at her face with her flaily little hands and people watching.

A woman walked in, trailed by her bogan boyfriend and bogan friend. Pregnant and wearing leggings as pants, she saw me and her face looked like she’d sucked on something sour and unexpected.

I smiled at her and she pointedly looked at me and said loudly “I can’t believe she’s breastfeeding in public like that. It’s disgusting and offensive.”

I was shocked and more than a little angry.

So.

Dear Bogan Woman outside of Kmart,

Breastfeeding my baby is not disgusting, nor is it offensive. I was, and am always, discreet and I can only imagine that you find the sight of a naked baby head utterly appalling, because actually, you couldn’t see a single centimetre of my skin, let alone my breast.

You know what was offensive? Your stupid behaviour. Your disgust at me minding my own business. Your insistence on making sure that everyone else around us knew you were offended.

Actually offensive; your leggings as pants. You couldn’t see my nipple, but I sure as hell could see your crotch.

Thanks for that.

Merry Christmas.

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What do you do to save your sanity as a parent?

by Veronica on March 6, 2012

in Blogging, Soapbox

Otherwise entitled, “Why so judgey, Internet?”

Yesterday, 93.6 Hobart asked on their facebook page, what we as parents do to combat feelings of isolation or guilt. There were some great answers and the lovely Sallyanne and I agreed that online communities are an excellent way to keep in touch with friends and family when real life doesn’t enable you to do that.

My stock standard answer, whenever anyone asks me what I do to keep myself sane is “I blog.”

And it’s true. This little community here has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

Sure, I do other things to make myself happy – I take time out to read books, I daydream, I buy delicious loose leaf tea and refuse to talk to anyone while I drink it. I take the smallest things and savour them and I laugh, a lot.

Mostly though, my sanity saver is blogging.

However, social media is a very new thing and it wasn’t available to a lot of parents. Something that people are all too willing to remind us.

And really, flippant comments like “We had no time for sipping lattes and babycinos in trendy cafes” are not adding anything to the conversation, except a bucketload of guilt that apparently, mothers nowadays are doing it wrong.

I could rant and rave about judging people (how do you know that mother in a trendy cafe with her baby isn’t taking her first time out in 6 months? how do you know it isn’t her one outing this month? HOW DO YOU KNOW?) but it wouldn’t do any good – people would still be judging and mothers would still be getting landed with a large guilt trip over “not doing it tough enough”.

Guilt is a useless emotion. It doesn’t do anything except make me doubt myself and when Amy was a baby (screaming, screaming all the time) I promised that I would not guilt trip myself. I would refuse to feel bad for sneaking a coffee at a cafe with my mothers group and I would refuse to feel bad for things I could not control.

Nowadays, I don’t “do” guilt. But it doesn’t stop me wanting to explain myself and my unique set of circumstances to every single judgey person out there. Should I explain about autism? About Ehlers Danlos? About how the Internet has very truly saved my sanity?

Sure. I could.

But I’m also pretty sure that it wouldn’t make a difference to people who want to play pain olympics and talk about who has it tougher, or who is the most selfless mother, putting themselves last always.

Here’s the thing:

I take good care of my sanity, because for a while there, I consistently put myself last and not only did I nearly have a mental breakdown, I nearly had a physical one.

It took me a long time to recover and I am reluctant to ever let things get to that point again.

Things are better now. I take time out to look after myself.

And sure, some days that time out is merely sitting in my bedroom alone for 10 minutes while I drink a cup of tea.

Other days, it’s taking the time to feel the sun on my face while I remember to breathe. Or turning the music up really loud and not caring what anyone else thinks of my musical tastes. Or leaving the children with their Daddy, while I attend events in the city.

I’m not a martyr and I refuse to be one.

Life is hard enough without carrying around a backpack full of guilt.

—

I would love to know, what do you do to preserve your sanity? Any tips for parents (especially new parents) who might be struggling?

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On pregnancy, listeria and being risk aware

by Veronica on February 20, 2012

in Pregnant. Finally., Soapbox

We’ve all heard about the dangers of Listeria, supposedly lurking in every single piece of cold food that you didn’t prepare by hand, yourself. No soft cheeses, no restaurant salads, no uncooked egg based sauces, no ham, salami or other deli meats and certainly certainly no sushi.

Today I made sushi using smoked salmon and I enjoyed every single mouthful of it. The benefit to eating something that I felt like eating, for me, far outweighed the minuscule risks associated with eating a cold prepared food.

Listeria is a food poisoning. It isn’t a bacteria that is present in all cold food – no, it’s food poisoning that can potentially grow in cold prepared food and is killed by heating. You’ve probably got more chance of contracting salmonella than contracting listeria on any given day.

And yet, I find that as soon as I’m pregnant, there is this Listeria Hysteria that surrounds every mouthful of food I eat. Does that contain ham? Has that lettuce been washed and stored properly? Is that egg cooked through entirely?

I’m just a little bit sick of it. Especially considering if you’re hospitalised during your pregnancy, the hospital sends you up commercially prepared ham salad sandwiches for lunch anyway and the midwives don’t bat an eyelid.

Pregnant women seem to become public property. Everyone suddenly has a say in what we’re putting into our bodies and it’s getting a bit ridiculous. I’ve already given up a lot of things in order for this pregnancy to progress safely, I don’t particularly feel like giving up all cold foods too.

My baby might die from listeria – but also, I might get hit by a car tomorrow. Or a truck might crash into my bedroom. Or I might fall down a flight of stairs.

I don’t think it’s about being frightened, so much as it’s about being risk aware. If I prepare sushi at home, using ingredients I trust, in a clean environment, then my chances of listeria are probably smaller than my chances of contracting salmonella, or breaking my nose walking into a wall (very real possibility).

This is my fourth pregnancy and hopefully our third baby. Any number of things could go wrong yet. My chances of pre-term labour are higher than normal, my pelvis might fall apart, I might dislocate a hip and end up hospitalised. I might get an infection (again) and land in hospital for a week (again).

Anything could happen, but provided I am careful, I am doubtful that it is going to contain listeria.

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Teenage parents are not “lesser” – so why does society treat them so badly?

by Veronica on February 14, 2012

in Soapbox

I’ve been resisting writing this post for a long time, but here it is.

I was a teen mother and pregnant as a teenager twice. Amy was born when I was 17 and Isaac was conceived when I was 19, and born two months after I turned 20.

There is my bias, disclosed.

When you are pregnant as a teenager, you are subjected to a certain amount of harsh treatment. This is deemed acceptable by society, apparently, because no one disagreed with family acquaintances calling me a slut and no one thought anything of the midwives at the hospital treating me badly. Nor did anyone listen to my complaints about the doctor who attended Amy’s delivery shouting at me, or the brusque treatment of the midwife in attendance, who provided no support, merely barking orders at me.

That kind of treatment is to be expected when you’re 17 and obviously too stupid to keep your legs closed.

The treatment from medical staff didn’t change once my daughter was delivered and I was chastised for feeding her too much, for attempting to breastfeed too often, for undressing her, and for co-sleeping and for not agreeing to midwife home visits for the first 6 weeks post-partum.

When Amy went on to scream and refuse to sleep for her first months, it was apparently because I was a teenager mother (or maybe because my milk wasn’t good enough – depending on who was asked), rather than certain ASD qualities and a preference for being awake.

I was made to feel stupid and lesser, by all but one professional I came into contact with. The exception being an older clinic nurse who had seen it all and seemed merely impressed that I had a supportive partner and breasts that lactated magnificently. A far cry from the later clinic nurse who we stopped seeing.

If you’re a teenager walking with your newborn baby through a supermarket, shopping isn’t all about the strangers cooing over your gorgeous baby. No, it’s about the sideways looks, the slight sneer and the almost palpable relief that people exhibited when they saw that I was with a partner.

My second pregnancy was fraught with similar issues. The only thing worse than being a teen mother, apparently, is being 19 and pregnant with your second baby.

No one cares about your backstory, or what you’re doing with your life, or your plans and goals – no, as a young woman, your entire worth is tied up in your reproductive system and what you’ve done with it.

And lest you think that I am alone in these observations, a quick conversation on Facebook showed that if anything, I was treated quite well, in the scheme of things.

Think about that for a minute.

People were telling me that midwives would refuse pain relief to teenage mothers, in order to “teach them a lesson” and prevent future pregnancies.

Stories of judgement, of being made to feel unfit, of terrible treatment – these are the stories that young parents bring to the table.

Isn’t that a spectacularly crappy way to start your parenting journey?

Frankly, it saddens me. Teenage parents are not any less capable than older parents. Parenting is a great levelling field, where ostensibly, everyone starts off on an equal footing. Young parents do not love their children any less fiercely, nor is their age a barrier to being a good parent.

Anyone can be a great parent. Age does not change that.