Let’s talk about sleep. Or the lack thereof.

by Veronica on September 11, 2009

in Animals, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

Isaac is sleepless. He’s more sleepless than Amy was and seeing as how I named this blog ‘Sleepless Nights’ when she was 11 months old, that’s really saying something.

He finishes cluster feeding at around 11pm, five hours after I’ve put him down for the first time. His cluster feeds are generally 5 minutes long, every 30 minutes or so. It would be lovely to have an early night, but I’m not kidding myself that it’s going to happen.

At 11pm, I finally get to drag myself off to bed, content in the fact that Isaac is sleeping deeply. Only to have him start the night time feeds.

Every hour, he wakes crying. On a good night, he’ll feed for twenty minutes and then sleep for forty minutes before waking again. On a bad night, like the last few we’ve had, he’ll feed for 20 minutes, goo and laugh at me for 20 minutes, feed for another 20 minutes before sleeping for, you guessed it, twenty minutes.

Add, rinse, repeat.

Over and over again.

Some nights he’ll stay awake for 1-2 hours. Talking, gooing, feeding, crying. Everything except sleeping.

It’s … wearing to say the least.

Our days start at 5am. By the time I get Isaac back down for a nap at 7.30-8am, Amy is awake for the day, needing breakfast and playtime and snuggles and ohmygod.

I’m a little exhausted.

***

The doctor prescribed me some new anti-inflammatories recently. Which is great! My tense and sore muscles thank her.

Only, there is one problem.

Once my muscles are coaxed into relaxing by good drugs, I’m left rather floppy.

No, scratch that.

I’m left with fuck all stability at all.

Apparently all my tensed and painful muscles are actually keeping all my joints together. Whodathunkit.

Anyone else had any experience with anti-inflammatories causing floppiness issues?

By 8am this morning, I’d relocated a good half a dozen joints god knows how many times. After the fourth wrist dislocation, I put a brace on. By lunch time, I’d removed the brace because I was only dislocating inside it. My hips popped in and out as I walked and I’m still not convinced that my elbow and ribs are all back in.

It was a bad day.

The actual dislocations are getting less painful, while the overall pain is getting worse. Trade-off I suppose. It’s rather disconcerting to feel your bones sliding against each other though. Especially when they won’t stay put.

***

6am this morning found me curled up on the couch under a blanket while Isaac played on the floor next to me. I’d been trying to nap again, but he kept squawking at me and needing things. He’s finally worked out how to go forwards, as opposed to sideways or backwards, so he kept getting stuck and needing rescuing.

I climbed off the couch and stood to put wood in the fire. A cat curled around my ankles, trying to make me break my neck. I shoved the wood in, shut the door and leant down to catch the cat. For once, it was easy. She was hungry and didn’t dart away.

I walked past the couch, picking up my heatpack as I went. I opened the gate into the kitchen and walked towards the microwave.

It was only the frantic scrabbling of the cat as I went to open the microwave door that had me realise that it wasn’t the heatpack that I was about to put into the microwave.

It was the cat.

Poor cat.

God knows I wouldn’t have enjoyed having to run outside to rescue my heatpack from the icy ground after I threw it out of the kitchen window.

Thank god I stopped in time.

My feet would have been frozen.

I shook myself to wake up, and ended up with things where they were meant to go. The cat out the window and the heatpack in the microwave.

We won’t talk about how many attempts I had at making a cup of tea though. That’s just embarrassing.

Cough.

***

Hi, my name is Veronica and today, I almost microwaved the cat.

How are you today?

***

Edited to add:

I forgot to mention. I was included in this shiny little list. I’m thrilled. 100 Most Bookmark Worthy Websites For Dr. Mums.

tiff September 11, 2009 at 8:41 pm

I’m sorry you are so tired but you have to admit that was funny.
Once I put the milk in the cupboard and the Weet bix in the fridge. Actually, it wasn’t that long ago… and I can’t blame having a small baby keeping me up at night.
I’ll shut up now.

Brenda September 11, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Hearing you sistah!

Why can’t kids just sleep like normal people? Why oh why oh why?

badness jones September 11, 2009 at 10:26 pm

Oh babe! I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time right now. Bad was like that as a baby, and I just gave up on having him in his crib altogether. I slept with the baby on a double mattress on the floor, and Hubs had his own room – and it went on like that until I weaned him at 25 months. And still, 9 months later, he calls for me in the middle of the night and I stumble from one bed to another, not caring where I am, as long as I’m lying down. I just hope he learns to sleep without me before high school.

Hugs.

Sharnee September 11, 2009 at 10:38 pm

Oh man, that sucks (glad you didn’t microwave the cat!).

You’re going to probably hate me for saying this (and I am forced to be a mega hardass because I have two monkeys the same age – no rocking to sleep, no sleeping in our room etc) but if I wasn’t getting sleep like that then I would shove a big bottle of expressed milk in his mouth and whisper – “sleep, sleep, sleeeeeeeep, m’dear!” before wrapping him up and tucking him into bed for at least a dozen hours of beautiful, uninterrupted, sleep. But…. I don’t think you have a pump and I know youre pretty awesome with the BF only and I know fairy tales aren’t real. But I just don’t think I could do that every night!!! Kudos, but you must be more than exhausted!!!!!! Don’t forget to look after yourself!

PS: Stef has his schedule free every weekend, I’ll send him down to assist. Maybe he can be your wet nurse (sorry, gross I know) 😛

Marylin September 11, 2009 at 11:29 pm

Oh sweetheart, I know the lack of sleep isn’t funny, but almost microwaving the cat gave me a great giggle! 🙂

Catriona September 12, 2009 at 1:24 am

That’s so awful Isaac isn’t sleeping through the night. I know it makes life pretty miserable. Do you guys have a good solid bedtime routine? Instead of putting down for the night early have you tried later? We did that with Andrew and he’s been sleeping through the night ever since. We were putting him down at 7 pm for the night only to realize he would wake up rather early and frequently for a feeding. So we tried 9-9:30 pm and he sleeps through the night! We also give him his dinner of rice cereal, a veggie, and a fruit at 8:30pm to make sure that belly is nice and full. He usually sleeps until 7am the next morning. Instead of rushing to Isaac at the first little whimper have you tried waiting a few minutes to see if he will settle back to sleep?

I’m no expert at this but maybe those will help a bit…if only it gets him to sleep a little longer than 20 minutes.

BubbleGirl September 12, 2009 at 1:35 am

My doctor prescribed me some anti-inflammitory muscle relaxers along with my pain killers. It’s great for sleeping, but if I do anything but lay there I dislocate EVERYTHING. Just gravity will cause my left shoulder to fall out of place, and then the ankles… it’s like my feet are tied to my calves with string, they get so loose…

I have yet to find medication that is both effective as a pain reliever, and allows me to function.

I’ve put some weird things in the microwave, oven, and fridge over the years. I have on several occasions put the jug of milk in the cupboard… the t.v. remote ends up in the microwave…etc.

Jenni September 12, 2009 at 4:49 am

oscar was very similar from 6-9 months. here’s to hoping issac works it out. for the cat’s sake and for yours.

nikki September 12, 2009 at 4:50 am

Yay for getting on the list.

It looks like Sophia might have to have a chest xray on Monday. I’m so tired of all this shit. Let’s run off somewhere warm and wonderful for vacation with great alcoholic beverages that have little umbrellas in them…..

Xbox4NappyRash September 12, 2009 at 6:15 am

Every which way I look at what you wrote, I see ‘shitty’ little list. I’m going demented.

Kathy September 12, 2009 at 9:04 am

Oh good God, I hear ya. My almost-7-month-old is running from Isaac’s playbook on this one. She generally goes down easily around 8:15 – the bedtime part’s not the problem – and I then prepare everything for the older two kids’ day the next day and dive into bed by 9pm to try to get at least one sleep cycle in, as baby will next wake somewhere between 10 (typical) and 11:30 (if I am super lucky and all the stars are aligned). From then on, she wakes every hour to two hours, and each time feeds for 15-45 minutes before detatching. (She herself is quite well rested, as she sleeps while feeding). About the only thing she has going for her in terms of sleep is that in the last 6 weeks her naps have come really good – predictable (one starts at 9am, one at 1pm), adequate (2 hrs each, usually) and NO MORE CATNAPPING. That helps, but it’s not really enough when I have two older kids to care for as well.

Last night being a case in point – she was asleep at 8pm, awake at 10pm, back into bed at 11:30 (would have been earlier but I fed her lying down & fell asleep myself for half an hour at the end of the feed), awake 1:15, back in bed 2am, awake 3am, back in bed 3:20am, awake 4:15am, spent the rest of the night next to me in my bed napping & snacking before waking for day at 6:15am. Oh, let’s not forget the part about the 6-year-old with the wet bed at 5:15am, just as I was settling back to sleep with baby next to me, which thoroughly woke me so that i was truly awake since 4:15.

I forced – and yes, I mean forced – the kids’ dad to get up with the baby at 6:15 so I could go back to sleep until 7:30 and stand a halfway chance of getting through the day, as he’s off to a computer game tournament at 11am and won’t be back until midnight. He wasn’t happy about it – “but Saturdays is my sleep-in day!” but I don’t give a shit, frankly. When you’re playing Survivor: Parenthood, you can afford to take no prisoners.

Megan September 12, 2009 at 10:26 am

The cat part is really funny, sorry you aren’t getting sleep. I don’t have children keeping me awake at night but I do have a cat and some god awful allergies that keep me up and I work at a daycare canter in the 4 year old room and today it rained all day so they didn’t get to go out side and I had to stay late and by then we had mixed the 3’s and 4’s and I was so ready to leave. Not as bad as what you have to live with but still no fun. Hope Isaac sleeps better for you soon.

Joyce-Anne September 12, 2009 at 10:27 am

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about the cluster feeding. Not fun, especially when you’ve got an older child who WANTS you during the day.

Microwaved cat-sounds interesting… LOL

Jennie September 12, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Love the post, and by that, I mean I sympathize. I’m in a good place right now with my 8m-old, but I’ve had some every-2-hour nights, for a couple months or so. And little things like almost microwaving the cat at least lets you (read:us) laugh at it all.

Commenter Kathy, I love the Survivor: Parenthood notion! That is totally what it feels like sometimes. “I’ll make it through this day – if it kills me!”

lceel September 12, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Our third child was like that – eating – and he didn’t really settle in until the Doctor suggested that Annie stop breastfeeding and put him on formula. Once he went on formula he was fine – slept all night and everything. But for the first three months – ouch. No sleep. just like you.

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo September 12, 2009 at 2:51 pm

best thing you could do to a cat.

POP!

*snigger*

river September 12, 2009 at 3:20 pm

I don’t have even half the stress you do, yet just the other day I tossed the eggshells into the fryingpan and threw the eggs I’d been planning to scramble into the bin. I’ve also left the milk carton on the bench and put the sugar jar in the fridge. Let’s not mention the many times I’ve walked into my room to get something then fogotten what it was as soon as I stepped through the door.
Wonder what microwaved cat tastes like?

frogponsdrock September 12, 2009 at 8:16 pm

@River, tastes like chicken…

Ali September 12, 2009 at 10:33 pm

Oh honey. I feel for you with Isaac. Grub is my most demanding ever child with similar behaviour to what you’ve described and I have been exhausted since she was born.

Your poor body. I feel your suffering. I can’t really imagine how awful it must be to have all of those dislocations all the time though. You are a tough cookie, babe. Cats in the microwave are nothing, you could be forgiven for that sort of brain fart at the moment!

Momisodes September 13, 2009 at 3:41 am

I swear that’s why babies are so darn cute. They wear you so thin they will wear your sanity down to nothing. I’m so sorry he’s not sleeping well these days. My daughter was the same for what seemed like an eternity. She’s 4 now and still doesn’t sleep through the night really. I can’t imagine what you’re going through with two.

I suppose it’s a pretty darn good reason for microwaving the cat though 🙂

Hyphen Mama September 13, 2009 at 7:40 am

Good LORD woman! I want to send you a babysitter (not sure that’s what Australians call somebody who cares for your kids while you SLEEP). Au Pair? Either way… you need another set of hands, and another set of eyes so you can get some rest.

Some days I can’t find my toothpaste… and realize in my daze the day/night before, I’ve put it someplace that toothpaste has no place being.

Tanya September 13, 2009 at 10:17 am

Swap?

Emily sleeps from 10pm til 6am every night usually.

She is teething now but she is having a toy or dummy to chew on.

I could take him for a night and you could take Emily.

I feel guilty that I get a good sleep 🙁

Tanya September 13, 2009 at 10:20 am

P.S Does he take a bottle of breastmilk?

CK September 13, 2009 at 11:46 am

Congrats on the list!

And for not microwaving the cat. The mice would most certainly become an issue had that been the case. It would’ve been like living in my house. F-ing mice.

And I’m so sorry Isaac sleeps the way he does. I hope that ends soon. I can’t imagine how you continue to function. You are amazing.

MistressB September 13, 2009 at 1:24 pm

I have never tried to microwave a cat, I have thrown the wrong things out the door though…… lol

I know the kind of tired you speak of, my Lou had very similar patterns. Turns out she was intolerant to my milk so would have little feeds, fall asleep, get a belly ache, wake up, settle, then get hungry again not much later and need feeding again, rinse. lather and repeat.

We put her on an elimination diet at 9 months old trying to figure out her food triggers. Especially in light of you figuring out Amy has food triggers might I suggest that it would be worth a serious look at?

Renee September 13, 2009 at 4:37 pm

I have passed this post along to my sister.. I’m sure she believes she is the only person in this world with a child that refuses to sleep! My eldest monster didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 15 months old (one week before monster number two was born.) So I got one full week of rest before it all started over.. Hope your luck is better than mine!

PlanningQueen September 13, 2009 at 10:18 pm

I hope you are getting more sleep. I thought the 5am starts were bad enough, but with constant waking over night, you must be completely wrecked!

taz September 13, 2009 at 11:12 pm

oh hun

big hugs i am thinking of you..

Toni September 14, 2009 at 9:57 am

You have all my sympathy! My last 2 kids were like that. Jack slept maybe 15 mins at a time in the day IF I WAS LUCKY AND DIDNT EVEN BREATHE while holding him. Then screaming for an hour. Or two. At night, maybe 2 hrs of sleep? That went on for centuries. My daughter was slightly better but not much. I read that we all have sleep cycles, when you sleep lightly, then deep, then lightly – some babies just cant put themselves back into deep sleep and wake up. They grow out of it. Mine did, but not till 2 1/2 yrs or so.
Having said that, it might be worth checking out an elimination diet, as suggested above?
BTW — I read some kind of typhoid virus is killing large numbers of sparrows. AHA! maybe an explanation for the mass sparrow drop you witnessed?

Bea September 14, 2009 at 7:36 pm

Oh Veronica, you so need a night in a hotel on your own! Don’t be fooled, you won’t use the t.v., room service or have a hot bath – you’d just be thrilled at a compete nights’ sleep.
This is why sleep deprivation is torture, and shouldn’t be something you have to live with for so long. x

A Free Man September 15, 2009 at 2:16 pm

For me, the sleep thing is getting better. My partner is taking mercy on me since I have to work and handling most of the night time duty. You might ask her how it’s going…

My problem is still bonding with the new one. I’m suspicious of new people, apparently even with a genetic connection. I feel kind of uninvolved, even though I make the effort to change and bath and put to sleep. I’m sure it will come.

Nicole September 24, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Oh wow! How can you function in the day? It sounds like Isaac is only associating nursing with falling asleep and doesn’t know how to get back to sleep without it. It’s not a hunger issue. It’s similar to how you might need a pillow to sleep. If you woke up at 2 a.m. and your pillow was gone, you’d wonder where it was and you might wake up and go look for it. You have become Isaac’s “pillow”. With a solid plan we can all learn a new way to sleep, even without a pillow. I think Amy and Isaac would thank you for it. He will get a lot more sleep if he doesn’t need to look for his “pillow” all night, ya know? You can read more about sleep associations on my website here: http://www.picknicksbrain.com/sleep-training/sleep-association/

I hope you will make some changes for all your sakes! I always thought cluster feeding stopped around 3 or 4 months old, so I really do think Isaac can learn some new skills, now. Good luck!

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