A year ago we sat around an outdoor table, surrounded by family. Easter had coincided with Nan’s birthday and we were barbecuing and celebrating, knowing in the back of our minds that it was likely to be the last birthday and Easter Nan celebrated.
We were of course hopeful that that wouldn’t be the case, but we were wrong.
A year ago we laughed and played and Isaac napped, a small baby still, asleep in his bouncer.
Slowly everyone left and I stayed, curled up in Nan’s armchair, reading her cookbooks and discussing everything under the sun with her as we pointed out likely recipes. Amy ran around, eating chocolate, while we waited for Isaac to wake up.
Nan was in the middle of chemo and horribly sick.
It was hard to watch, knowing that we couldn’t change it, or fix it.
However, it was warm and comfortable, talking.
Of course, we discussed her cancer – we always did.
We didn’t know that almost 10 weeks later Nan would be laying dying in a hospital room while we stood in a ring around her, giving her permission to leave.
Of all the things I miss, the common sense advice, the phone calls, the visits, just because, I miss curling up in the chairs at Nans and just talking more than anything else.
I miss her.
So much.
April has always been Nan’s month, her birthday and Easter intertwined always.
Today would have been her 65th birthday.
Happy Birthday Nan.
I miss you more and more each day it seems.
Comments
22 responses to “Missing”
Sweetheart, I hope you spent some time today curled up in a chair talking recipes with Nan, just like before. It helps.
xox
Oh Von. XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Now you have made me cry.
Then later on that day Mum and I went down to the hospital for another dose of chemo. We took a basket of easter eggs with us for the nurses and patients. But they had a huge box of cadbury chocs from the factory in there and we brought our chocolate home with us again.
Oh Veronica, hugs to you my friend.xoxo
biggest hugs to you hun..
just remember i am here for you always..
This is eerie. My Nan died last week and was buried on Friday, I couldn’t go because we live interstate. She had cancer, it would have been her 92nd birthday this Friday. April has always been her and my father’s month, his birthday is slightly later, and my daughter narrowly missed being born on Nan’s 90th birthday. I was disappointed, it would have been very special. I’ve been sad on and off, it hits me unexpectedly when something reminds me, it has been a help to read this. Thankyou for letting me share your grief.
Reread your old post. Recried with you. Hugs.
Hugs. I can’t help but feel I know Nan through your stories and find myself missing her for you.
I’m sorry. sending you love.
I’m so sorry you lost her (((hugs)))
I’m so sorry Veronica.
nice. that is all.
Happy Birthday to your Nan 🙂
I miss my dad everyday… it has been 5 yrs now. Some days are easier and once in a while it is a disaster day. I miss him, too, all the time. But remember, V, that she lives on with you and your children. Honor her and pass her to others through your heart. Your Nan was a beautiful woman!
Happy Birthday to your Nan. I’m sure she’s enjoying chocolate heaven while she watches over you all.
I can see how hard it is for you. My husband lost his father through cancer when he was 25. Try and keep in mind that someday you will be someone’s Nan too, you will share your common sense advice, your cheerfulness, your warmth, your memories and one day will be missed too. It is wonderful to have had that bond that will keep living through you and your loved ones. When the inevitable happens it’s better to miss that person than not because it is a token of the bond you had. I hope you get what I mean with my clumsy english. hang on there!
Oh sweetheart. Sending you loads of love.
Happy Birthday to your Nan xxxxxx
Happy Birthday Nan
hugs.
I just hope some of this birthday was happy.
She sounds like a lovely woman. I bet she checks in on you every once in a while!
So sorry. xxx
Love to you and your Mum.
Happy birthday Nan.