Blog

  • When third eyelids go bad.

    My older ducks are pains in the arse to catch. They’ll happily eat their wheat at my feet, but if I’ve got to catch them for whatever reason, then I get prepared to run around the paddock for an hour, net in hand.

    That is why I was so relieved when the duck who needed catching and attending to was one of the 8 week old half grown ducklings. His eye was looking weepy and swollen and I’d been keeping an eye on it, but today, I could tell that he definitely needed seeing to.

    I put down some wheat and amongst the rush of poultry, I was able to get behind him and in one swift movement, grab him and hold him.

    He squeaked and fought, of course, but an 8 week old duckling isn’t the strongest creature on the earth and my bendy hands were able to cope with him. I tucked him up under my arm and poked his eye.

    Like I suspected, it had a grass seed in it.

    Now, grass seeds are the bane of my life. I fucking hate them.

    When I was a kid, we used to stay with friends and along with their children, I would walk to the local shop. It wasn’t a long walk, as you could cut off around 800m by cutting through a paddocky area. A paddocky area that was never mown and was always knee deep in grass seeds. I would prefer to walk the extra 800m than have to spend the next 2 days cleaning grass seeds out of my shoes and socks.

    Our grass in the paddock lately has been reminding me of the paddock as a kid, as I traipse through it and fill my shoes with grass seeds. Fucking grass seeds.

    I’m not a fan.

    Neither was this duck, who badly needed medical help and who was going to fight me every inch of the way.

    With both my hands and most of my upper body involved in not accidentally letting the duckling go, I was limited to asking Amy to find me tweezers.

    After a bit of direction and a bit of yelling and some screaming from Amy because ‘MUMMY HAS A DUCK!!!!’ I elected to bring the duckling inside and hope like fuck I didn’t accidentally drop it inside the house.

    I growled at Nathan, who was still in bed, who pointed out where he’d put the tweezers. Contorting myself into a pretzel to be able to hold the duck and yet, still reach the top shelf, I found the tweezers.

    FINALLY.

    What I hadn’t counted on was the third eyelid.

    I sat outside in the barbeque area, with the duckling on my lap, struggling and then flopping back exhausted (making me worry it’s heart had given out and who gives a fuck about grass seeds then?).

    Tweezers in hand, I had a look at his eye.

    I could see the middle of the seed. I could see all the swelling and the pus and there….

    No. Third eyelid closed.

    I spent the next 20 minutes, holding open his external eyelid with two fingers, holding his head with the remaining three fingers, leaning on him with my top half and trying to gouge his eye out with tweezers.

    Just when I was ready to yell at Nathan that I needed an extra set of hands, I found it. The end of the seed. White and pussy, it had been poking into the corner of his eye for a few days.

    Another 10 minutes and some frantic flapping (him), swearing (me) and excited screeching (Isaac) and I managed to catch hold of the end with the tweezers.

    One swift movement and the grass seed was out. The poor duckling flapped and peeped, but while poking around in his eye for half an hour and finally removing the seed must have hurt, it wouldn’t have been half as bad as letting the infection take hold and destroy his eye entirely.

    I had a good look and with a tissue, cleared up the rest of the infection and weepiness. I would have liked to bathe it in salt water too, but I was out of hands entirely.

    Fixed, mostly, I took him back outside to his siblings and came inside to photograph the grass seed.

    It was huge. Probably 3 1/2 times the size of the ducklings actual eye? Coin for scale.

    For the US readers, our 10c coin is just barely under an inch in diameter. 2.36cm

  • Why I’m scared of pigs.

    I have a phobia of pigs.

    It’s not a very big phobia, I can look at photos of pigs easily and as long as I’m on the other side of a good sturdy fence, I don’t have a problem.

    But remove that fence and I’m scared.

    When I was a kid, we got 3 pigs from a local farmer to raise. Being creative types, we called them Wilbur, Wilbur and Charlotte.

    The two Wilburs only had 1 ear each. The farmer said that his horse had gotten into the habit of lifting the piglets up by their ears, tearing them right off. I’m not sure we ought to have believed him, but there we go. We had pigs that were missing an ear.

    Charlotte however, she was missing both ears. Pigs are scary looking as it is, without someone tearing off their ears and making them look even huger. Ears make animals look lovable and cute. Not having ears makes them terrifying. I suspect this is also why I dislike snakes.

    Our pigs grew and grew and grew. Wilbur and Wilbur were eventually slaughtered for meat, leaving us with just Charlotte.

    Charlotte was fucking huge.

    I’m talking, 200kg+ huge. HUGE.

    She was also the smartest pig and would not stay locked up, behind the safety of the wire. Her favourite place to sunbathe was down in the flower garden, below the house.

    Also near the flower garden was our outside toilet.

    One day, I went outside to go to the toilet, as you do. I wasn’t in there for very long, before Charlotte realised that someone was outside and came over to the toilet to investigate.

    She thought: ‘FOOD! Fooooood foooood foooooooood. Small human might have foooooood’.

    I thought: ‘OMFG I’m going to die in here, she’s not going to realise I don’t have any food and knock the toilet down and I WILL DIE. Or she won’t and I’ll be stuck in here forever and DIE. Or I’ll have to leave and she’ll realise I’m leaving, realise that I don’t have any food and trample me and I WILL DIE.’

    I was very little and Charlotte was very big. She lay down near the toilet door, effectively blocking me in the toilet, convincing me that death was just around the corner.

    I burst into tears and screamed for my mother.

    What felt like hours later, my mother heard my tiny little cries for help and called the pig away with some pellets. I’d probably been trapped for no more than 10 minutes, but phobias don’t care about that kind of thing.

    Until we sent Charlotte to the market a few weeks later, my toilet trips were fraught with angst and danger and I was convinced that the pig was going to cause my death.

    And that is why I’m scared of pigs.

    ***

    If you’re so inclined, you can vote for Sleepless Nights in the Babble list thingy. I’m sitting at #25 ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Giving toddlers back some power.

    This post sponsored by The Mother Media

    When my daughter was born and we were living in the suburbs, I used to see a lot of mothers with jogger prams, running. Running was never my thing and I used to trudge from Dynnyrne, all the way down into Hobart with Amy in the pram, once a week at least.

    I imagine if we’d stayed living in the suburbs, we would have kept walking all over the country side.

    However, we moved out into the rural areas of Tasmania, where I spent hours every day, walking to the corner of the sealed road, along my gravel road, wishing for Amy to fall asleep. Kilometres of walking, designed to stop her screaming and give me some peace.

    I was rather fit.

    A few years on and we’re living even further out in the rural areas, with land and lots of poultry. Our roads are unsuitable for walking; a 110kmph highway runs along my front fence and there is no real verge for walking on.

    Because we’ve got pasture and a giant flat area for Amy to play in, for this Christmas, we bought her a bike. She doesn’t know it yet, obviously, but part of the reason her father has been whipper snipping for hours each day, is so that the grass is short enough for learning to ride. He’s leaving some long parts and we’re going to create ‘bike tracks’ for the kids.

    With Amy getting a bike, we needed something equally fun for Isaac and a trike was what we decided on. I hadn’t gotten around to buying one yet, luckily, because the opportunity to review one came up.

    The Smart-Trike 4-in-1 has some pretty amazing specs. It adjusts for a baby as young as 6 months to ride and recline (oh the sleeping possibilities! do you know how much I would have loved one of these when Amy was a baby?) all the way up to a 24+ month old to ride alone. Having a clutch means that Isaac can pedal as much as he likes and yet, we only move at my speed.

    Best. Idea. Ever.

    I’ve not let Isaac ride it yet, in fact, neither child knows about it. But that doesn’t matter, because this tricycle? It’s AWESOME. I wish I’d had it for him 12 months ago when he decided that he absolutely NO WAY was NOT letting me put him in a pram.

    This has caused some issues, as you can imagine.

    Supermarketing is a pain in the arse and he bolts at the slightest chance of freedom.

    I think this tricycle is going to change all that.

    We ย don’t have footpaths, so when we’re at home I’ll take the handle off and let him ride around, like an older child.

    But you can bet your socks that I’ll be putting the handle back on and letting him ride around the shops, while he’s strapped in, so he can’t bolt.

    I figure it’s only fair, that he’s given a chance to run over all the adults who spend their time glaring at his screaming meltdowns, or pushing past him.

    The Smart-Trike. Giving toddlers back some power.

    Well, some power that doesn’t involve screaming tantrums.

    ?

  • I take back everything I said about the stupid fucking greenhouse

    Oh yes, it was BRILLIANT, right up until we had a bit of a breeze and some rain.

    I woke up this morning, to find it collapsed and half the joins broken. No matter I thought, DUCT TAPE. It fixes everything.

    I hassled Nathan until he got out of bed to help me and in the middle of a rainstorm, with the wind trying to blow us away, we put it back together. Of course, then the sun came out and defrosted our frozen fingertips and ears.

    We pinned it down better than before and went away.

    An hour later, it sailed merrily across my paddock, dropping poles and joins all the way.

    This time, it was pretty broken.

    Some people might have called it fucked, but not me.

    No, I am more determined than intelligent.

    Through the waist high grass I dragged its various bits and pieces back to the small enclosed yard.

    Wind safe! I thought. Protected! I thought. Easy to access!

    Haaaaaaaaaaa. Cough.

    Amidst a lot of swearing, Nathan and I put it back together. We only had to traipse back out to the paddock to look for missing pieces half a dozen times or so.

    An entire roll of duct tape and an awful lot of cursing later, it was back upright and mostly okay. We pinned it down, even better this time and went inside.

    It will be fine I thought. It’s protected from the wind on all sides! The weather isn’t even hitting it.

    I kept thinking that, right up until the wind grabbed it and tried to steal it.

    Again.

    Racing outside in bare feet, I grabbed it and held it down, while the wind gusts passed.

    And then we tied the fucking thing to the fence on one side and star pickets on the other side. I’d like to see it try to run away now.

    On the upside, the temperature inside must be sitting somewhere near 38C – a far cry from the 10C it actually is outside.

    As soon as I can find the energy to bring the watermelons and honeydew seedlings over from the big garden, I’ll pot them up. Again.

    I’m sure they’ll be grateful.

    UPDATED:

    Photos. Because Kristin asked me for them.

    I tied it to the fence. Front and back. If it goes, it takes the fence with it. Please don’t let that happen.

    A bamboo stake promotes “stability”.

    More “stability” and lots of duct tape. And some grass.

    And now, two different dramatic representations of how it looked when I found it blown away.

  • Stupidly excited

    You guys, look what I bought myself.

    You have not lived until you’ve tried to put together a flat pack greenhouse with 2 children running under your feet, stealing poles, nicking joiners, losing the poles and joiners in the long grass and smacking each other with sticks. Isaac also tromped all over the tomatoes and pulled out a pea plant or two. Kids. Nathan eventually came out to help – not so much help me put it together, but stop the kids impaling themselves on poles.

    Anyway.

    I am stupidly excited about this. A greenhouse is something I have lusted after for years – ever since we put our garden in and realised that Tassie gets barely 3 months of decent growing season, before the frosts come back and kill off the tomatoes.

    With a greenhouse, I’m hoping I can extend our season enough so that I’m growing things for 9 months out of twelve. Cucumbers! Capsicum! Melons! They will all actually ripen.

    I ordered it online from a sales website and worried that it wouldn’t be any good. But it’s sturdy enough and the plastic is mesh filled, to prevent tearing, definitely something I need with small ones (and sticks) running around.

    Now I can grow more tomatoes! Even when it gets frosty!

    Like I said. Stupidly excited.

    Inside are my cucumbers, watermelons, luffa, basil, lettuce, cauliflowers and my honeydew melons. I’ll add tomatoes and probably some more cucumbers in the next few weeks.

    The rest of the garden is doing well too. The heirloom tomatoes are ready to stake and the pumpkins are taking off. Sort of anyway.

    Pumpkin at the bottom, rock melon middle left, basil and collard in the middle, tomatoes through the rest of it, with some bush peas and corn thrown in for good measure. (wide angle lens. the garden is bigger than it looks here.)

    The house garden is going mad too, between the peas and potatoes, I can’t walk through my path in the middle anymore. Somewhere in there are climbing beans. I’m hoping they’ll make it to the surface to flower eventually.

    I’ve been madly picking snow peas and our strawberries are starting to ripen too.

    In the very left hand corner, next to the white plank, you can see a bush? That’s my black currant bush. My two grandmothers struck that for me, before Nan died. I’m so pleased it’s doing well and my great grandmother will be too when she sees it at Christmas. I’ll take cuttings to strike when the new growth hardens up a bit. It’s covered in berries at the moment, we’re just waiting for them to ripen.

    And ducklings.

    Because what kind of blogging duck farmer would I be, if I didn’t share photos of the fuzzy cuteness?

    Platter appearance by Frogpondsrock – it was full of shell grit, but I filled it full of water just after this photo, just for the babies. I really shouldn’t put her ceramics outside for the animals, but it was the only thing I had at the time. Heh.