Sleepless Nights

Blog

  • Can I just…

    Can I just give a huge shout out to Warsaw Mommy, who has elected to stay on as a paying sponsor.

    Her blog is fantastic and funny and you really should go and subscribe to her.

    And as a bonus, she takes gorgeous photos. What more do you need?

    Go. Now. Because I said so.

    ***

    If anyone else would like to buy adspace here, just email me and we’ll set you up. Not only do you get a spot on the sidebar, but you get a special link in my blogroll AND random shout outs in posts. What more could you want?

  • Bridgewater Farm Fete

    I went to the Farm Fete today, after last year when we missed it.

    I had a great time and more to the point, so did Amy. There were all kind of animals to look at and she raced around, smiling. She wasn’t too sure about the Emu’s however. Neither was Isaac.

    We came home with 6 new gum trees (we paid $10 for all 6) and lots of photos. I had a BALL taking photos of the event, although, it would have been easier if Isaac wasn’t playing koala and clinging to my front at every possible chance.

    Calf in the Nursery

    Succulents $2

    Showbags!

    Selection

    Pens

    Isaac was a tired little man, at one point he fell asleep in my arms, but only for a few minutes.

    Isaac had had enough.

    I’d forgotten how much fun rural shows/fetes are. More of them in my future I suspect.

    More from me soon, I’ve been tired and sick lately and the writing is suffering. Sorry.

    More photos here.

  • Missing

    A year ago we sat around an outdoor table, surrounded by family. Easter had coincided with Nan’s birthday and we were barbecuing and celebrating, knowing in the back of our minds that it was likely to be the last birthday and Easter Nan celebrated.

    We were of course hopeful that that wouldn’t be the case, but we were wrong.

    A year ago we laughed and played and Isaac napped, a small baby still, asleep in his bouncer.

    Slowly everyone left and I stayed, curled up in Nan’s armchair, reading her cookbooks and discussing everything under the sun with her as we pointed out likely recipes. Amy ran around, eating chocolate, while we waited for Isaac to wake up.

    Nan was in the middle of chemo and horribly sick.

    It was hard to watch, knowing that we couldn’t change it, or fix it.

    However, it was warm and comfortable, talking.

    Of course, we discussed her cancer – we always did.

    We didn’t know that almost 10 weeks later Nan would be laying dying in a hospital room while we stood in a ring around her, giving her permission to leave.

    Of all the things I miss, the common sense advice, the phone calls, the visits, just because, I miss curling up in the chairs at Nans and just talking more than anything else.

    I miss her.

    So much.

    April has always been Nan’s month, her birthday and Easter intertwined always.

    Today would have been her 65th birthday.

    Happy Birthday Nan.

    I miss you more and more each day it seems.

  • In love

    I bought myself a 100mm Macro lens and oh, I am in love.

    So I’m sharing that love, right here.

    Spiky

    Baby Squash

    Pretty in pink.

    Miscellaneous Voices
    Miscellaneous Voices: Australian Blog Writing #1 can be purchased at Miscpress, from Editor/Publisher Karen Andrews.

    Grasshopper

    Moth

    Moth

    Praying Mantis

    Grasshopper

  • It’s all a bit surreal.

    My period was due over a month ago – and it didn’t arrive.

    I vomited, I swung wildly between happy and angry and my sense of smell, well, wow. I felt pregnant.

    And then subtly, I didn’t anymore.

    Pregnancy tests, that I’d waited to take, said negative, backed up by a blood test from the doctor, which was mostly inconclusive, but still negative.

    I got an almost, barely there positive test in the beginning. We couldn’t tell properly if there was a second line, it was so faint, and I figured that another test in a few days would show a proper result. Only it didn’t.

    My doctors opinion, most likely a blighted ovum and something went wrong, early on, leaving me with barely any HCG by the time I had blood drawn. Let’s just wait until you bleed naturally. Or in another few weeks, we can put you on the pill and try and stimulate a period that way.

    He didn’t want to investigate further and actually, I’m glad he didn’t. I knew I was pregnant, just like I know that something didn’t go right and I am not having a baby.

    I continued to vomit, while still not being pregnant.

    So I put myself on the pill, tablets I had left from the 6 weeks of bleeding prior to conceiving Isaac.

    Monday night (while still on the pill) I started to bleed.

    So it’s finishing and even as I’m cramping and in pain, I am glad to be getting it over and done with.

    In my mind, I am losing a pregnancy, not a baby. Something went wrong when cell A tried to join to cell B and they didn’t equal a baby.

    And that’s okay, it truly is.

    And I’m okay. There were tears when I got the blood results and I’m missing my grandmother more and more,

    but I am okay.

    I’m phillisophical about the whole thing.

    Except the cramping. That just kind of sucks.

    ***

    I truly am okay, so please don’t feel sad for me. If you want, you can share your stories of loss here and we’ll all hold hands and smile wryly at each other. Plus, the lovely people at The Online Circle, sent me some Cadbury Fairtrade chocolate to try and that arrived today, which was lovely.

    Mmmmm, tastes guilt-free.

    (Actually, it tastes delicious. The ingredients are slightly different to the other block of Cadbury chocolate I had in the cupboard and the Fairtrade seems to be more … pure? somehow? Delicious anyway.)

    ***

    In other news, I bought myself a Canon 100mm Macro lens for my camera and I am in love.

    LOVE.

    Love.

    Praying Mantis