I was never a girly girl. Sure I had female friends, but looking back I think we may have spent more time bitching and fighting than we ever did being friends.
I got along well with the guys. Guys are easy, they talk; they don’t talk and if they don’t talk you aren’t left stressing about WHY they aren’t talking. They rarely do the bitchy, snippy, talk behind your back and get everyone to all dislike you together thing that girls do (I say rarely, because in highschool there was one boy who would).
To be honest, I thought girls sucked. They were moody and pissy and they used to backstab and who really needs that kind of crap in your life?
This is now where all my problems lie. I can relate to blokes, I can talk to them, hell I live with one (and have lived with two who weren’t related to me previously) and we haven’t killed each other yet.
I have alot of trouble relating to women. I don’t ‘get’ it anymore and I have trouble making conversation, I can’t relate to Sex in the City, I have never had a manicure, a pedicure, a facial (although I have given one once. to a boy) or a girls night out.
I have never enjoyed shoe shopping, (love the idea of sexy shoes, the reality of finding and trying on shoes makes my head explode) I want to find clothes that fit and then leave the shop as soon as possible and I haven’t bought makeup in years (although I do need to order a new foundation).
So you see, add this all up and the idea of joining a playgroup and being social with other women has me quaking in my boots. What do I say to them? How do I relate to them? Sure we all have kids and that is a good starting point, but what then?
Blogging has been the first time I really managed to connect and relate to women and honestly, I have met some awesome women here in the blogosphere. Unfortunately all the blogging in the world does not help me overcome my fear of women.
They talk! About stuff!
I’m not really a shy person, it’s more that I get nervous and being nervous makes me loud and talkative. AND THEN, after I have been nervous and loud and talked too much, I get home and think ‘CRAP! I was nervous and loud and I talked too much and I behaved like an ass and no one will want to speak to me next week.’
So then, I go along again and I don’t talk much at all. And then people think I’m snobby because I didn’t talk much and I end up going home thinking ‘Fuck it, I should have talked more, because really, anything other than monosyllables would have been okay’.
And I can’t win.
I had a mothers group and it was awesome. The ladies in it were lovely and so were the kids, but it is just too far away for me to be able to go along anymore. And even though the ladies were so lovely, I still came home feeling like I was an ass for talking too much, too loudly, or an ass for not saying much at all, but I miss going along. I miss getting to see Amy play with other children her own age.
I can’t help but think that I am probably being selfish, letting my own issues get in the way of Amy meeting and playing with children, but I just can’t seem to get over this one.
How do you do it? How do women get along with each other?
Obviously I missed the class titled ‘Women and Friendships: A Guide’ because I am utterly fucking clueless.
And it sucks.
