I was 14. I was sitting in a toilet, at school waiting for a pee stick to show one line or two. I sat there, waiting, watching the second hand on my watch click. Tick. tick. tick.
I waited the allotted 3 mintues, peering at the stick intently. Turning it on an angle, just to check.
At the end of the 3 minutes, the pee stick was negative. I could breathe again. The next day, my period started.
Now, at the time I was in a steady relationship and I was on the pill. We were however, busily involved in exploring the differences between girls and boys and because I have a latex allergy, well, you know how things go.
While I was with him, I spent an awful lot of money on pregnancy tests. Luckily, my pill worked beautifully and I didn’t get pregnant. Not to him.
I think the nerves I felt when I was waiting for that first pregnancy test to show a result, were the exact same nerves have felt waiting for every single pregnancy test to show a result.
Counting the clock seconds, watching the stick and angling it, just in case I wasn’t looking at it properly. Perfecting my pee stick squint, years before I needed to have it perfected.
I remember peeing on the stick that told me I was pregnant with Amy. I was 17 and it was Christmas eve. I held the stick in my hands, leaned up against the wall and slowly slid down, until I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I sat there with my future clutched in my hands, while Nathan waited in the loungeroom watching TV.
I watched it turn darkly positive before even a minute had passed. I looked at it and then rushed to show Nathan. We hugged, kissed and then I promptly rang a friend.
I might have been only 17, but we knew how we wanted our life to be and having children young tied in with our plans.
After the positive test thrill with Amy, I went many months without the need for a pregnancy test. Until we started thinking that having the children close together would be a good idea.
I got negative after negative after negative. All with that same feeling of nerves and fear/excitement in the pit of mt stomach.
So, after we had been trying with concerted effort for months, I swore I wasn’t going to buy anymore pregnancy tests. I had one test that sat in the bathroom cupboard for months, unused. I just couldn’t handle the thought of seeing another negative again.
So, it took a lot of courage for me to be able to take a pregnancy test this time. I took it and waited. My second line didn’t show up for a few minutes and when it did, it was faint. I spent the entire day, picking up the test and looking at it. I still do.
It just feels so surreal, a positive result finally, after so many negatives.
A good surreal, but surreal all the same.
I have an appointment for an ultrasound on Wednesday afternoon, hopefully I will be back with half decent scan photos to share with you.
Hang in there kid. Wednesday WILL come. Tha test will show the infant ‘in utero’. You will fianlly be able to relax and be happy. And sick.
Careful not to blink because it will be no time before the new baby arrives. If you blink, you’ll miss that little bit of time passing!
Burgh Babys last blog post..Hoping I Didn’t Forget Anybody
Eish. Those tests. The agony of waiting. No matter what answer you’re praying for.
Dolces last blog post..Friday the 13th: Lasher*
I hate those tests too… had too many negatives!
I hope your scan goes well this week… can’t wait to see the pics 🙂
Jentys last blog post..Grey Louries
Hate pregnancy tests… just hate them! Looking forward to seeing some scan pics hunny 🙂
Marylins last blog post..For your viewing pleasure…
That’s a lot of wee history right there.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Too much information?
I loved this post! I’m so curious about your young-and-planning-children-into-your-relationship method. You are such an old soul. So many of us amble through life, crying through pregnancy tests when we’re 20, not knowing where we want to be in 5 years, let alone wanting to bring a baby into it. Any time you want to write about “Nathan And I And Our Story” I’ll be eagerly reading. I’m just nosy like that…er, CURIOUS like that.
You inspire me.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..And Then My Head Blew Clean Off
I can’t wait for my first positive test… It wont be this month or any month until the stress of job uncertainty has passed.
I think it is probably better that way but I still can’t wait. Great post by the way!
Talinas last blog post..The infamous post about not posting and other jazz.
I’m with Hyphen Mama on this. It’s strange (in a good way) that you and Nathan have decided that children are a priority in your lives. So many people delay children — sometimes delay that tiny bit too long and find they’ve left their run too late. I hope you enjoy Wednesday (as much as one can enjoy an ultrasound) You will get the first image of your precious baby.
Anjas last blog post..Another wee meme.
hmm..
sorry to hear about the negatives.. 🙁
luckily for me i have only ever had one negative pregnancy test..
the other two.. well.. lol..
it shows now..
well one of them anyway.. hehe
Tazs last blog post..34 Weeks Old
Wow. You have clearly done a lot of living in a very short time already. If you don’t keep telling me how old you are, I sure won’t be able to tell it from your words. Amazing.
maggie, dammits last blog post..Reason #3458734 I never leave the house.
I think I bought about 10 before we had the baby and finally one was yes
Jenns last blog post..Babies and Needles !
Arg… I was all ready to type in some nice comment and then someone distracted me and I forgot what I was going to say…
Your idea of “Wednesday” and mine seem to be about three days apart sometimes. I ought to phone you sometime and see what the future holds. So how did it go? Wednesday is probably over for you by now. ;]
Mrs. Cs last blog post..I Love Thesock Obama!
Pregnancy tests can be quite thrilling; either good or bad, that feeling is something we all remember. Congrats to you for seeing the 2 pink lines!
Melindas last blog post..American Gladiators rings my bell
There is no feeling like waiting for the lines to appear… or not appear.
I agree with some of the posts above – “The Veronica and Nathan Story” would be an interesting one to hear… all at once, or in installments. 🙂
Fourteen !!! I barely knew boys existed at that age – well, except for Simon Le Bon! It’s amazing how different life paths can all end up at the same place, having such similar experiences.
Good luck on Wednesday.
Congratulations. I hope all goes well on Wednesday. Like a lot of others who have commented, I can not imagine having a baby at 17 but I can totally see how it would be perfect for some. And Christmas eve, what a magical time to find out!
I can`t wait to the day that I get my first postive pregnancy test….not neccesarily now, but one day soon!
I was still playing dolls at 14!! You are definitely an old soul, sometimes much wiser than me and I’m pushing 30!
nikkis last blog post..GMT: Bad Pick Up Line Edition
Its so funny how persectives change. When I got pregnant with my son (who I wanted very badly) I felt like I had done something wrong.
Suzies last blog post..Why My Son Will Be In A Crib Until College
Looking forward to hearing about your Ultrasound.
Widdle Shamrocks last blog post..Lullaby
Did I ever mention that I took TWO pregnancy tests when I was pregnant with James and they were both negative? Yep, I knew I was pregnant pretty much the second it happened…that or I was gonna die…so so so glad I ended up getting James out of that deal instead.
And I have taken many a test where I didn’t know if I wanted it to be negative or positive. Goes with the territory when your periods are wildly irregular for most of your life. =(
Thanks for sharing. Great post as always, Veronica.
SusanBs last blog post..Ridiculous
Are we living parallel lives? Thanks for delurking to comment on my announcement or I never would have seen YOURS!! You should comment more often. I promise to visit now that I know you.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..Pregnancy
I swear those pregnancy tests have shaved years off my life. The anticipation and faint lines can drive a woman mad! I took 6 tests with my daughter. You’d think they’d perfect a quicker method that flat out said Yes or No.
Hoping all goes well with your appt 🙂
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..“YES”…Sort of
it would have been a wonderful feeling to finally get a positive. congrats.
So today is Wednesday and by now you’ve had that ultrasound and seen your baby. Woo-Hoo!!!Did you get a photo to put on your fridge?
lalalalalala not listening at the 14 and pregnancy test thing lalalalalala
So chick, it is Wednesday…
Kelleys last blog post..Mika is stalking me.
So Kel, how’re the girls?…
hahahahahaha….
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Or maybe not enough
how did you go Veronica ? – It really is a good feeling to see those two lines no matter how old you are.
Knowing you want them more than anything else is better …than at 14 and not ! NOT listening either to the 14 …I’m with Kelley.
Trishs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- Birthday Wish
A faint line is still a line!
Kathryns last blog post..A Sentence To Remember
It’s funny how you view pregnancy tests depending on what your circs are. When I didn’t want to be I was squinting so it would look like one line if needs be and when I wanted to be I would cry if only one line appeared. I’m so pleased for you. I saw your next post too – fab scan picture!
Barbaras last blog post..170/366 – Sleepless Nights
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