Things Isaac did just do:
Blew raspberries on my boob.
Got all excited and tried to eat my chin.
Smiled and goo’ed.
Things Isaac did not just do.
Feed.
Sleep.
It’s past 11pm. How is your day going?
***
I cleaned out my toy cupboard today. It’s looking a little … sad. Three toys that vibrate and one of those I won’t use for anything other than shoulder and back massage. (Why? THIS is why.)
Do you think if I asked nicely Eden Fantasys would send me some more stuff to review? Cos you know, I wouldn’t mind. Would you?
***
Isaac’s seizure, blah blah blah. I’m done researching. There is scary scary shit out there that causes seizures in babies with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and I just don’t want to think about it anymore. LALALALALALA.
Fuck you research.
I’m waiting on a phone call with a date to have Isaac suffer through an EEG.
Until then, you know as much as I do.
He hasn’t had another one, so that’s one good thing.
***
Panic attacks.
How normal are they?
Because damn if I’m not having to remind myself to breathe as everything closes in on me and my heart races and oh my fucking GOD.
I’m sick of them.
They’re grief fueled, but still. They can go away now.
***
My baby is still not sleeping and YES, I KNOW I haven’t had anything decent to say lately. But, you know.
How are you?
I’m OK enough. 😉
I really wish you weren’t a billion gazillion miles away.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. Everything is going to be OK. You’ll get there. Til then, I will just send you more *hugs*.
Praying some peace and answers for you and Isaac. I have to admit that posts like this downright freak me out, because I can’t help. (!!)
PS Also, times like this I wish I had some of those urine catcher things to send you. Surely someone there has one at the hospital, and they are just entertained with that crazy family and the medical collection cup? Is there a one-way mirror, behind which some medical people are yukking it up in a back room over the Urine Follies? I wonder.
I’m panicking along with you. But more so because my daughter just does not need any more fucking complications in her life. You know what I mean?!
on the plus side, at least he’s being sweet while he’s not sleeping, right? he could be acting the fool. can you just put him in your bed with a toy while you sleep? will he let you do that?
I’m ok hun, been thinking of you lots. ((hugs)) I hope you get some sleep soon xx
Goodness Mrs C, there is such a thing as a urine catcher? Wish I’d known that last time I had to get a sample from the boy.
I wish I could do something to help, which is about the least helpful thing I could say probably. But I think of you often and hope you are ok.
I have a very very itchy earhole.
I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, but thanks to you I’m feeling like a petty twit.
Thanks for that!
Oh, Veronica, my heart hurts for you. I’m just now getting to read all your posts from the last couple of weeks (we’ve been sans internet for forever), and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your Nan, and it just seems like one thing after another for you. I really really hope everything gets smoother for you FAST. I know sleep would help, but I know that’s probably not going to happen. So just know I’m thinking about you and wishing you didn’t have to go through all this!
I’d say something funny now if I had anything in my brain at all. Too tired, too much internet withdrawal, though. Sorry.
I wish I could help. I would .. if I could. And so would Annie. But 12,000 miles is just too damn far.
Oh sweetheart,Panic attacks aren’t any fun at all.Just breathe through them and try and earth yourself when they happen. It is good that you are building a garden, playing in the soil is very healing.So is howling at the moon you know.But it kind of defeats the purpose if you have to howl quietly in order not to wake up the children. Hmmm.
All I can say is Damn that insomniac gene that you get from your Father that you seem to have passed on to both of your children.
And as for Eden fantasys. You should tell them that you need to do a giveaway as well. Tell them that your readers are begging for a chance to review their toys as well.. hehehe
xox
I feel some of your pain. Not the grief and seizure pain but the sleepless pain and the “I am loosing my f-ing mind” pain.
Oh and vibrating toys? I’ll pass. I am not sure anything will ever be enjoyable down there again after all my birth fun.
I’m late catching up here.
I’m so sorry to hear V. I really hope that everything turns out alright with Isaac. You are all in my thoughts, and wishing I could do more to help.
Not too bad thanks, a bit tired but thats normal with a three month old. Wondering if my husband and I will ever have sex again? Wondering if my three year old will ever poop in the toilet? Annoyed that I bit my cheek whilst sneaking a handful of m&m’s so Amy wouldn’t see. Ouch.
At least you know your own feelings. Knowledge is power. When you know why Isaac had that seizure you will have all the power. Is that how it’s meant to work?
It’s better to know why you feel the way you do than to be feeling down and at a loss as to why. Then you can talk about it, plan to attack it and think and write through it.
I’m off to take some of my own advice.
Panic attacks. My husband has one EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKING. DAY. When he has nothing to worry about, he worries that there’s nothing to worry about. Because things are going well, trouble must be just around the corner. So he spends hours worrying about what might never happen.
GAAAAAH! (That’s me running around tearing my hair out.)
Isaac is cute.
Hugs.
Panic attacks suck.
Worrying sucks but it is part of life, especially when you have all this on you plate.
I have nothing to offer you, no words of wisdom, just hugs.
I wish I could take it all away for you.
Not the sex toys though, you can keep them 🙂
Oh Veronica. I hope that this all eases a bit soon. I am sure that Isaac will be absolutely fine. Hugs for you. Hope you get some new toys!
I wish there was something I could do – even take Amy off your hands for a little while. Unfortuantely, I’m halfway across the world. Here’s an idea, you could move closer…lol. Meanwhile, I really hope things get better over there.
Dealt with stupid people and worked my ass off.
Everyone I know is panicky right now. I’m responding through regular use of prescribed tranquilizers. If you don’t have those, I recommend a big glass of red wine before bed.
Hey Ms V. Thinking of you here in Aotearoa. Life seems to do that to a person hit you with a huge pile of steaming…all at once…and for a seemingly endless period of time. Mine lasted for about 5 years…literally. But it DOES get better…and easier.
Hang in there chickie….would choccie help?
Geez, Veronica! You’re having a tough go of it. I’m so sorry! Things will get better. They have to, right?
I used to have panic attacks. I used meditation to help deal with them. I don’t have them anymore, which I don’t think is necessarily because of the meditation but because the stress I was dealing with then is now gone. But the meditation DID help.
I’m thinking of you. Things will improve soon. I know it!
So have you contacted Eden Fantasy yet? I like their website….
It’s so hard to be frustrated with a non-sleeping non-eating baby when he nibbles on your chin and goos at you like that! Hope this phase passes soon!
Oh my god how awful. And scary. Poor Veronica! Poor Isaac! I’ll totally send you my (slightly used) Bnaughty toy if you want it!
Just remember to breathe… It will get better.
Lots of hugs
i am doing ok
thinking of you lots
big hugs
I should probably clarify that my husband doesn’t have “true” panic attacks. He’s just paranoid and a big old drama queen.
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