I was never a girly girl. Sure I had female friends, but looking back I think we may have spent more time bitching and fighting than we ever did being friends.
I got along well with the guys. Guys are easy, they talk; they don’t talk and if they don’t talk you aren’t left stressing about WHY they aren’t talking. They rarely do the bitchy, snippy, talk behind your back and get everyone to all dislike you together thing that girls do (I say rarely, because in highschool there was one boy who would).
To be honest, I thought girls sucked. They were moody and pissy and they used to backstab and who really needs that kind of crap in your life?
This is now where all my problems lie. I can relate to blokes, I can talk to them, hell I live with one (and have lived with two who weren’t related to me previously) and we haven’t killed each other yet.
I have alot of trouble relating to women. I don’t ‘get’ it anymore and I have trouble making conversation, I can’t relate to Sex in the City, I have never had a manicure, a pedicure, a facial (although I have given one once. to a boy) or a girls night out.
I have never enjoyed shoe shopping, (love the idea of sexy shoes, the reality of finding and trying on shoes makes my head explode) I want to find clothes that fit and then leave the shop as soon as possible and I haven’t bought makeup in years (although I do need to order a new foundation).
So you see, add this all up and the idea of joining a playgroup and being social with other women has me quaking in my boots. What do I say to them? How do I relate to them? Sure we all have kids and that is a good starting point, but what then?
Blogging has been the first time I really managed to connect and relate to women and honestly, I have met some awesome women here in the blogosphere. Unfortunately all the blogging in the world does not help me overcome my fear of women.
They talk! About stuff!
I’m not really a shy person, it’s more that I get nervous and being nervous makes me loud and talkative. AND THEN, after I have been nervous and loud and talked too much, I get home and think ‘CRAP! I was nervous and loud and I talked too much and I behaved like an ass and no one will want to speak to me next week.’
So then, I go along again and I don’t talk much at all. And then people think I’m snobby because I didn’t talk much and I end up going home thinking ‘Fuck it, I should have talked more, because really, anything other than monosyllables would have been okay’.
And I can’t win.
I had a mothers group and it was awesome. The ladies in it were lovely and so were the kids, but it is just too far away for me to be able to go along anymore. And even though the ladies were so lovely, I still came home feeling like I was an ass for talking too much, too loudly, or an ass for not saying much at all, but I miss going along. I miss getting to see Amy play with other children her own age.
I can’t help but think that I am probably being selfish, letting my own issues get in the way of Amy meeting and playing with children, but I just can’t seem to get over this one.
How do you do it? How do women get along with each other?
Obviously I missed the class titled ‘Women and Friendships: A Guide’ because I am utterly fucking clueless.
And it sucks.
I hear you. A suggestion –
Even without being a girly girl, there are still heaps you have in common with other mums by virtue of you all being mums. You can bitch about housework, discuss the monotony of the evening “what shall I feed everyone?” grind, breastfeeding, your significant other, your plans for your home when you do the place up. You can steer clear of shoes, clothes and makeup quite easily. And there is always sex – a proven great conversation starter 😉 lol
And perhaps start by trying to connect with just a couple of people not the group as a whole if you do decide to give it a go.
Bettinas last blog post..Disaster!
Also? Girls mature into women, and some of them do leave that talk behind the back bullshyte behind them. And I never got into shoes because of my Sasquatch feet.
witchypoos last blog post..Remorseful Perverse Parenting
I obviously can’t add much to that, other than that was a very good entry.
Maybe write to them?
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A nation coming together…
I’m loud. I talk too much. But I’m getting to ok with that. And I’m loving all the girlfriends I’ve met along the way who like that about me. But new groups of women. En masse. With children. That’s still a scary prospect. But only for the first few times. 🙂
Dolces last blog post..An Inspired* Corset Friday
I have always been this way…many more guy friends than girlfriends, etc. I think at some point I just had to get over it. Because once you are married with kids having BFF’s that are men are just logistically complicated. I just started going to playgroups and feeling weird, but after awhile I got used to it and then I started enjoying it. One of my closest friends through that time was a stay at home dad which was a good buffer for all that girly stuff.
The other weird thing is that I have gotten a lot girlier as I get older. There is hope for you that this will all feel normal at some point. And as for the shoe shopping…I will totally take you. Shoes are the easiest thing to shop for. They are always grouped together near and exit.
HRHs last blog post..Pink sparkly CONTEST with PRIZE…
OMG you are me.. or I am you.. just a bit older!
I suck at the whole ‘making friends with other women’ thing and failed miserably at mothers group (I was the resident freak for more than one reason). I tend to just not go to these things but I am paying the price now as my girls are struggling socially at kinder – much like their mother? oh yeah!
but… there is hope… I met a group of women when my girls were almost two who I just clicked with. For the first time ever I have a ‘group of women friends’…. sadly with kinder and school and all of us moving we don’t see each other much anymore and I miss them badly… so you know, there is hope.. I plucked up the courage and said stupid things and these women still like me….
Mind you we tried a new playgroup today and I left feeling like the biggest idiot – either they all hated me or I was just too stupid to know how to join in… *sigh*… if only life was a blog!
katefs last blog post..Today is Friday.
Try not to stress too much on it. I had my daughter just a few months shy of my 17th birthday. Needless to say none of my friends had children her age…ever. Heck, they are just now starting their families and I am knee deep in pre-teen angst! But, I digress, as I was trying to say-don’t stress! I stressed a lot back when my daughter was a baby/toddler that she wasn’t getting enough interaction with other children. Looking back on it I can see now that all that was really important was that she had me and her father-and a LOT of love and attention. She knew every day that she was in a safe and secure loving home where she could grow and explore and learn. Thats all Amy needs for now my dear and you are doing an excellent job in that department from what I can see.
i am like you..
although i do have two very close female friends.. 🙂
Tazs last blog post..Isn’t she the cutest.. 🙂
Check. Check. Check. Check. And yep to that one too.
I had one close female friend as a teenager- we’re still mates. United by a loathing of all things chicky babe.
Bizarrely, the older I get, the more close female friends I collect. Most women are nowhere near as self-obsessed as most girls. Thank God.
When Mollie was little, I went to playgroup once. She managed perfectly well without it!
Amy will be just fine. She is surrounded by adults who adore her. She will learn so much from your parents and her Uncle (although the Uncle could be teaching her things you DO NOT want her to know!!). Your house is filled with books, pets, cooking, communication, laughter and love. She doesn’t actually need playmates. Playmates are nice, but they are not the be-all and end-all. Besides, she will have a live-in playmate before too long, and won’t there be some fun to be had then?
I could have written this post myself. When I joined my playgroup in Florida that’s exactly how I felt. It was very scary. But it turned out they were all just as scared as I was, and I ended up making a lot of great friends there. I think a lot of that depends on the group though, I’ve heard nightmare stories of other groups, it can be hit or miss.
My kids get to play with kids their own age at church on Sundays. And now Brad has joined a bagpiping band (must blog about this, I know), and we brought the kids there last night. They were the only little kids, but they LOVED it, and Brad is going to take them every Thursday now.
The irony is that so many women feel this way!
Sarcastic Moms last blog post..Hi. Here I am, being depressing again.
All you’re feeling is something similar to stage fright. The solution is obvious. Imagine them all in their underwear. (I was going to say imagine them all naked, but typically, that’s MY job.) How can you possibly be shy of people in their underwear?
lceels last blog post..Sunday Fill on Thursday
You know I bet all the other women at the groups feel the same way about themselves when they leave… 😉
Just try to relax while your there! Bettina’s given you a great list of things that every mother will have in common, so I won’t repeat that!
Hope yr morning sickness isn’t being too much of a b!tch! ((hugs))
Relax and be yourself… loud, chatty or whatever – it is you. If you try to be different than the friends you make won’t know YOU. I am the same way (glad to know that I am not the only one) with people. I have learned in my old old age 🙂 that -Be You and they will come- or not, then it is easy because that person would not like you anyway! That is what makes the world so interesting is all of the differences we have and what a boring world if we weren’t! We weren’t made to like everybody! Sometimes when I am thrust upon a group of women I want nothing to do with but have to be there because of the kids, I get a book and read… how is that for snobby!? I am not trying to be snobby, it is soooo not me, but I am not going to try and FIT in, either. So, as I said, relax and be YOU… you WILL be liked by many, V 🙂
I’m the same way I have a couple girl friends I have had since I was a kid but other then that I can’t be bothered I didn’t like the backstabbing and fighting that went with girls in highschool and seems to still do it now in adulthood. I like to have friends that do not know each other then it’s nice there is no fighting within the click . I lived here for almost three years and have not met one person other then a couple of my hubby’s friends and I don’t care to meet their women. I started my blog so I could connect with other moms and yes I love the comments because it makes me feel like I have someone or blog friends if you will that understand how I feel cause let’s face it sometimes your husband just does not get it! Plus it makes me feel like I have someone to talk to in the day other then kids. So since I’ve seen all your other comments all I have to say is see you rnt weird and I think there are alot of women that feel the way you do. Hope you start feeling better and get to get into the doctor soon!
Jenns last blog post..
I stumbled onto your blog this morning and your first post made me laugh out loud. It’s such an honest assessment. I grew up with sisters, which you think would have prepared me for relating to other women. Except my sisters and mom and aunts and cousins dont behave like other women. They call each other on the carpet for being rude, they curse, they sometimes burp. I agree, sometimes girliness is hard to stomach. I too suffer from ‘talks too much’ fear.. I call it burbling. 🙂
Lizs last blog post..Thank You
I am the same way and I totally know how you feel! Just be yourself hun, don’t worry about them and what they think or say. Have fun and this will show you in the best light.
You should start small, take Amy to a park that kids and parent frequent, let her go play and just sit back and watch. Some women will talk to you some wont but it is casual and it is for Amy, that is all that matters!
Talinas last blog post..A book meme and more waitin’…
Like you, I rarely had girl friends.
I find being sociable in mom groups tough as well. It’s like dating in a sense. You don’t want to make a bad impression, you need to sift through a crap load of them to find one you can relate to, and then the whole calling/emailing etiquette thing can be awkward. I wish I had better advice, but I’m swimming through this sea of motherhood clique’s myself 🙁
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Hai’Dad
It’s ironic you have more trouble relating to women than men, for I’m a guy and I have more female friends than male friends.
Here, here sister!
I’ve been a social phobe MY WHOLE LIFE. Since I was in kindergarten and had my first anxiety attack about “going in there” and making stupid small talk. I can NOT stand girly garbage chat. I don’t do shoes. I do makeup, but that’s because I have to.
The #2 reason I refused to have a wedding was because I had girl friends for bridesmaids, but I didn’t really LIKE them all that well. Or didn’t feel that I’d known them long enough to have them in my WEDDING. (incidentally, the #1 reason we eloped was my future MIL).
As a rule, I would prefer men over women any day. My husband put the kibosh on my male friends right before I started having kids. He didn’t like it, and I kinda understood. But what he doesn’t understand is how much I loath getting to know women. YUCKO. I did a mommy group with Wynnie when she was 2. I ended up doing a smaller play group later, but it was too far to drive after Mack was born. Now I’m SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD to trying it again with Mack. I’d rather stay home.
Now, if I could get all the bloggy women together, that would be a different story. But alas, I cannot.
Incidentally, I’ve found greater success with women who are older than myself. I’d rather hang out with the 50-ish crowd than the 30-ish crowd.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..Thank You Baby Jeezus, Sending Love & Pet Peeve Thursday
Like you and everyone else above, I am totally clueless and shy. With men too, not just women. I’m only just now beginning to feel comfortable in my job and with the people I work with and I’ve been there 5 years. You’d think it would get easier with practice, and for some it does, but for me being “open and outgoing” is all a big act for 4-5 hours a day, then I go home to my quiet world and my blogging friends. Such a relief not to have face to face communication.
As the mom of two autistic kids, I stress more about what my kids will say and do than me. (I still stress about me, but I mean that I stress more about THEM.) See, my older kids can talk but sometimes they have zero common sense despite my best efforts with them.
I do try to prompt my children to be nice in public, but once Elf went off and was “friendly” by picking out the one black person in the crowd, saying “hello” to her in Spanish. Really slowly. Another time, Emperor figured out one of our church friends was a single mom and made sure to ask her HOW did she get kids if she has no husband? She must have a LOT OF MONEY to adopt them, so why is she living HERE???
I kinda prefer to stay home!!
Mrs. Cs last blog post..I’m Signing MORE. Where Is It??
The first two comments here are great…
It isn’t always easy, but the way in is to talk about the kids…its something you all have in common. Some women you’ll click with, some you won’t. I wouldn’t worry about talking too much. I’m always relieved when someone I don’t know does more of the talking, makes it easier to keep talking with them, to find things in common, etc.
You are a cool person, interesting… obviously, you have all these people reading you every day!
And, I completely agree on the shopping. I like having new things when I can, I just don’t enjoy the process. I like to go in, get something and get the hell out. I shop alone!
Kats last blog post..The Best Campfire Stories
I am a total girly girl. You know it. And I have a post brewing in my head about chicks and how we treat each other.
EVERYONE feels like you do. No matter how ‘popular’ or ‘confident’ they seem. Cause chicks suck the way they treat one another.
Kelleys last blog post..Damn life.
Just be yourself, some people (of either gender) will like you and some won’t. Stress not, there are always new people to meet and the next one may be THE friend you always wanted.
Hey V! May I call you V? Anyway, you seem soooo much more mature than 19 years old! That’s a compliment by the way, And congrats on being pregs again!
Manic Mommys last blog post..For Fathers-To-Be
ahhh yet another thing we have in common. i have always done better with men too. however since i have been married and have kids it is hard for me to sit and bitch to them about the shit my husband does or doesn’t do when they are doing or not doing the exact same things. *sigh* i joined a moms group about a year and 1/2 ago. i don’t participate alot because it really stresses me out. i have no advice. sorry. if you get any let me know!
zoes last blog post..Fat Ass Friday: Free at last
Ah yes, playgroup.
When Zach was at that age I was about the youngest mother there, and a few of them looked down their noses at me – I dreaded going but he loved it so much.
Someone wise said to me there’d be one person in the group I would find it easier to approach and talk to – they were right and it was a good start. After that I thought no stuff it – they don’t have to like me, and I don’t have to be buddies with them – just turn up make a bit of polite conversation – then leave!
Then virtually the same group of women were at kindergarten, then primary school, high school – and now they’re at the college!!!
G
xx
Mysts last blog post..Whatever…
I suck at friends too. I suck at Playgroup and conversation and getting out there.
I just suck and I really have to push myself to not suck. Really.
It’s so easy when you are shy to not return phone calls, not go out, not do anything.
So, you could become a recluse like me or move to NSW, boonieville and we could be friends or you could pretend the girls are guys…I don’t know really, just waffling. See a perfect case of saying too much and making an ass out of one’s self.
Hugs, I think alot of us are in the same boat.
tiffs last blog post..Weekly Winners – birthdays and other stuff edition.
It’s weird, I’m starting to feel this way about all people. The more technologically savvy we become, the more I choose to use keys and buttons to communicate with people online and in real life, the more awkward I feel when I’m actually in a social setting. Which sounds totally creepy now that I’ve got it all typed out.
Still, I’ve always thought it was weird that women got together simply because they both expelled little people from their uterus’s.
Awesome. Great comment, Maggie. Nice to meet you.
*waves*
(ummmm….Xbox can vouch for me?)
maggie, dammits last blog post..Reason #3458734 I never leave the house.
a blog tonight?
Tazs last blog post..34 Weeks Old
I missed that class as well…
I met a chick my age over the weekend who I could relate to. We talked all night and I really enjoyed the company. I think people who are similar to you are easier to talk to. Do you know anyone else with a child Amy’s age and a background and interests the same as yours?
I spend a lot of time with my mum and my female cousin because I relate to them a lot as we are related, so much in common, more than outside friends.
Guys are very good friends though, like you said. Everyone needs a guy friend.
Can we have a virtual blog playgroup please? That way our kids could get some social interaction, no really! Ha ha ha.
Why do we make this so hard for ourselves?
If you ever find that class, let me know. I’ll sign up with you.
Playgroups are the bane of my existence, and whenever I go to one, I remember why I don’t like women as much as men.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..Pregnancy
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