As the baby falls asleep I run myself a bath. The sound of the pump thrums against the faint gurgles he makes in his pram. I wonder if I’m setting him up for more sleep issues, letting him fall asleep where he will, then content myself with the thought at least he is falling asleep for me. even if it isn’t in his cot.
The bath finishes as Isaac closes his eyes. I hold my breath and quickly transfer him to his cot, swaddled and snuggled. He opens sleepy eyes to look at me and inside I panic. On the outside, I lift his blanket to his cheek and he snuggles down, content that he is safe. His eyes shut again and I turn and walk away.
Through the lounge room I walk, shedding clothes and layers of myself. The children are asleep, the curtains are shut. No one here to see except for me and Nathan. I think he watches me walk away, but I don’t turn around. I’m intent on my bath.
I flick my hair into a bun and turn the heater on. A quick check tells me that the water is the correct temperature.
It’s been a busy weekend I think as I slide under the warm water. Amy turned three, I cried until I couldn’t breathe and I had a good time. All rolled up in two days.
I cock my head to the side, listening for the sound of my children. Nothing. As it should be. I start to relax, even though I never stop listening.
It’s been a long time since I had a bath. I have to gauge pain against the possibility of my body temperature rising causing nausea and the nausea generally wins hands down. This time I have enough anti-nausea tablets to see me through a temperature rise and the pain is enough that I need to soak.
I open my book and start to read. The last time I read a book in the bath was when I was living with Nan. Memories assault me before I shut them out and absorb myself in my book.
Slowly the bath water cools.
As my feet start to get cold, I put my book down. I look around for the face washer I am certain I grabbed, only to find it sitting a few metres away. I grabbed it, I just didn’t leave it within reach. Stupid brain fog. In one swift movement I stand and water streams away. Goosebumps rise as I hurry to grab the face washer and my razor. With a breath of relief I sink myself back under the water, only to discover I’m still cold. I hesitate over running more hot water and then bring myself back to the present, where it’s my water and I’m the adult. I don’t need to ask permission as I turn on the tap.
It’s a struggle, my hands are not as strong as they used to be. I have to use two hands, despite me being the person to tighten them last. If Nathan turns them off I’ve no hope of getting them on again alone.
Warm again, I wash my face and then pick up my razor. I start at the bottom of my legs, shaving all the way up. I count bruises as I go. By the time I get to twenty, I give up. How many there are today doesn’t matter. New ones will just appear to replace the old.
My mind wanders as I finish behind one knee and I cut myself. I can never shave my legs without cutting myself these days. I sink my leg back under the water, not caring anymore about bits I might have missed. This bath is meant to be about relaxation, not counting my flaws.
I contemplate laying in the bath a little longer, but I can’t do it. Not now that I’ve shaved my legs. I stand and grab my towel. I walk out to the fireplace, ignoring the [tiny] mirror as I go. I’m relaxed. No need to stress myself out again with bad skin and bags under my eyes.
It’s warm in front of the fire as I dry myself and get dressed.
I must do this more often.
But knowing me, I won’t. Baths are a treat. A side effect of the huge amounts of rain we’ve been having, I can afford to waste the water to soak myself.
I give myself a shake to make sure everything is where it should be. My ankles have been slipping lately and they need a little wiggle to keep them in place. I stand in front of the fire for a few more moments before kissing Nathan and heading to bed with my book.
10 minutes later, Isaac wakes for his first feed of the night. But, such is life.
That was beautiful, and you must make sure you do it more often. You know you’ve earned it, so make the time. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Ahhhh, bliss.
You really should spoil yourself more often.
I haven’t had a bath for yonks. I might do it tonight thanks to you.xx
ps. “not about counting my flaws”- I love it!
Yowie. It sounds like it’s dangerous sometimes, but you can’t give up being independent. I wouldn’t either! :]
it’s so important to enjoy these small moments.
I think I need to start doing that too… 🙂
Hope you can have a few more baths, sounds like you’re really able to relax once you’ve had one. xx
You must remember to take care of yourself more often, love. Baths are simply wonderful but for me it’s a toss up between the pleasure of a bath and whether I will be able to get myself out of it again without injury. That was a thoroughly enjoyable post to read. I’m glad you have a blog.
xx
You have managed to take a bath full of water and turn it into something that sounds like heaven. I am tempted to go and have a bath.
So pleased you managed to relax even for a little while. You deserve it. 🙂
After that I am off to have a bath.. And I’m taking the block of chocolate with me!
Thank you. I feel like I’ve had a bath now. What a beautifully calming post.
I always cut myself when I’m shaving. This winter I might go for the insulated look and not bother.
I’m glad you found some time for yourself and, although I never thought I’d say this, I’m glad it rained lots!
Gawd, you’ve just made me crave a bath, haven’t had one since I can’t remember!
I miss baths! Same as you I can’t shave w/out cutting myself, waxing doesn’t work though as my skin just stretches too much & the creams, whilst effective can really burn skin. I don’t bruise so visibly though for which I’m grateful
Glad you managed to take this time for yourself, p’haps if regular baths aren’t possible Nathan could make sure you get a little time for yourself each day, even if it’s only 5 minutes? Thinking of you
BG x
I used the time when I was pregnant to take relaxing baths incase I didn’t get to when Emily was born. Your post made me want one!
I like to wait until Emily is asleep to have one, then use all the ‘girly’ products in the bathroom; bath bombs, face masks, face scrub, body scrub, nice shampoo…then shave and exfoliate and get out, clip nails and blowdry hair. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
What a lovely treat! I’m glad you got to do it.
Even though I don’t like baths, you made this one sound wonderful.
sounds like bliss
hope Issac sleeps better for you soon..
Point one: Why move Isaac when he is asleep? Leave him in the pram or wherever he fell asleep and ask Nathan to keep an eye on him while you have your bath. When he wakes for his feed he can go into his cot after that.
Point two: Give up shaving. Or use one of those creams that you smooth on and wipe off. Maybe the christmas fairy will bring you an electric shaver?
I don’t have baths anymore. Lying back in the tub puts too much pressure on my neck right at the point where I have arthritis. Plus the last time I was getting out of the tub I rested my foot on the edge to dry between my toes and my foot slipped backinto the tub causing me to lurch painfully and pull my hamstring which still hasn’t recovered.
Ooops! While typing I smelled burning and wondered who was lighting their fire in the neighbourhood. Then I remembered I was boiling eggs in the kitchen. Raced out to save them, but I was too late. Not only is the pan blackish, but the eggs are too.
Very well written, even on a second pass 😉
I’m glad you found some time for yourself. Try to make sure you get a bath more often (if it’s only once a month).
ah a bath…. Our tanks are almost full to over flowing for the first time every and I have celebrated with a deep, hot, midnight bath this week too.
So beautifully written!
This was lovely. I hope you get to do it more often. Baths really are a treat.
Haven’t had time to read the comments right now which I always enjoy – so will leave that till later, a relax to look forward to. Veronica, see baths do helps – with my EDS I have problems regulating my temperature so not too hot or cold then getting out causes extreme shivering regardless of how hot I make the house or if there is a heatwave (rare in the UK). Not sure if you can get the same where you are but here in UK you can get some adaptations and assistive aides for free following an at home occupational therapy assessment. But any decent mobility site does tap turners which you place on taps to make them easier to turn. We live in a housing association house so they have kindly put on easy touch taps which make life a lot easier. I am sure like me you never lock the bathroom door in our house thats because of the EDS & epilepsy. So I try to get in the baths when daughter is out otherwise she sits on the loo and chats to me which is great but not when craving some ‘me’ time! I forgot when I said about bathing about water conservation oops.. however, you DESERVE this bath time and for you its not a luxury its a necessity. Will sign off now as my comments are embarrasingly always longer than the rest. Take care Veronica.
This has nothing to do with the post, but I saw the top of your Flickr photostream at the side of the page and thought holy crap, she’s having another baby, how did I miss that?!
Turns out it’s just a picture of Issac. Oops.
A bath and a book. How very relaxing. Too bad Nathan didn’t finish you off with a nice back massage. But hey. You got your bath, right? Do it again. And again. And again. As often as you like – and can. You don’t need to ask permission as you turn on the tap. Which is something we don’t usually think of, here. But, living in a water-restricted environment, as you do, I guess that’s something you must have grown up with. But you ARE grown now. And well grown, at that.
Our new house doesn’t have a bath. In dry SA, that’s a sensible thing, but I miss a good bath. As does the boy. We chuck him in a baby bath under the shower.
Hi there, just read your blog for the first time and was really sucked in. I feel for you and wish I lived closer to you so I could help!!!!Not sleeping really sucks-I had 5 kids in 6 years and know this to be true!!Email me if you would like to talk about how I got my kids to sleep all night. Take good care,
Kelly
Wonderful baths!I haven’t had one since April (how sad that I know that). I have THREE different devices that I can use to turn handles (or anything) when my hands don’t work properly to grip and turn (rheumatoid arthritis means NO gripping and turning of anything). Also, Mr Hyphen changed out my bathroom fixtures to a simple one-lever on/off. No more tightening so tight I can’t turn them back on.
Today is rainy and cool. I think I’ll have a bubble bath and book tonight. Thanks!
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