Author: Veronica

  • Warmth

    As the baby falls asleep I run myself a bath. The sound of the pump thrums against the faint gurgles he makes in his pram. I wonder if I’m setting him up for more sleep issues, letting him fall asleep where he will, then content myself with the thought at least he is falling asleep for me. even if it isn’t in his cot.

    The bath finishes as Isaac closes his eyes. I hold my breath and quickly transfer him to his cot, swaddled and snuggled. He opens sleepy eyes to look at me and inside I panic. On the outside, I lift his blanket to his cheek and he snuggles down, content that he is safe. His eyes shut again and I turn and walk away.

    Through the lounge room I walk, shedding clothes and layers of myself. The children are asleep, the curtains are shut. No one here to see except for me and Nathan. I think he watches me walk away, but I don’t turn around. I’m intent on my bath.

    I flick my hair into a bun and turn the heater on. A quick check tells me that the water is the correct temperature.

    It’s been a busy weekend I think as I slide under the warm water. Amy turned three, I cried until I couldn’t breathe and I had a good time. All rolled up in two days.

    I cock my head  to the side, listening for the sound of my children. Nothing. As it should be. I start to relax, even though I never stop listening.

    It’s been a long time since I had a bath. I have to gauge pain against the possibility of my body temperature rising causing nausea and the nausea generally wins hands down. This time I have enough anti-nausea tablets to see me through a temperature rise and the pain is enough that I need to soak.

    I open my book and start to read. The last time I read a book in the bath was when I was living with Nan. Memories assault me before I shut them out and absorb myself in my book.

    Slowly the bath water cools.

    As my feet start to get cold, I put my book down. I look around for the face washer I am certain I grabbed, only to find it sitting a few metres away. I grabbed it, I just didn’t leave it within reach. Stupid brain fog. In one swift movement I stand and water streams away. Goosebumps rise as I hurry to grab the face washer and my razor. With a breath of relief I sink myself back under the water, only to discover I’m still cold. I hesitate over running more hot water and then bring myself back to the present, where it’s my water and I’m the adult. I don’t need to ask permission as I turn on the tap.

    It’s a struggle, my hands are not as strong as they used to be. I have to use two hands, despite me being the person to tighten them last. If Nathan turns them off I’ve no hope of getting them on again alone.

    Warm again, I wash my face and then pick up my razor. I start at the bottom of my legs, shaving all the way up. I count bruises as I go. By the time I get to twenty, I give up. How many there are today doesn’t matter. New ones will just appear to replace the old.

    My mind wanders as I finish behind one knee and I cut myself. I can never shave my legs without cutting myself these days. I sink my leg back under the water, not caring anymore about bits I might have missed. This bath is meant to be about relaxation, not counting my flaws.

    I contemplate laying in the bath a little longer, but I can’t do it. Not now that I’ve shaved my legs. I stand and grab my towel. I walk out to the fireplace, ignoring the [tiny] mirror as I go. I’m relaxed. No need to stress myself out again with bad skin and bags under my eyes.

    It’s warm in front of the fire as I dry myself and get dressed.

    I must do this more often.

    But knowing me, I won’t. Baths are a treat. A side effect of the huge amounts of rain we’ve been having, I can afford to waste the water to soak myself.

    I give myself a shake to make sure everything is where it should be. My ankles have been slipping lately and they need a little wiggle to keep them in place. I stand in front of the fire for a few more moments before kissing Nathan and heading to bed with my book.

    10 minutes later, Isaac wakes for his first feed of the night. But, such is life.

  • On this day

    On this day three years ago, my little girl was born. A silent bundle, plopped onto my chest. Wide eyed, she looked straight at me.

    This day; today, she turned three. Three. A big number for such a small girl. But then, she’s not a baby anymore, nor a toddler.

    Today. The day after I popped my ankle badly. I woke up, smiled and helped open gifts. I took more painkillers than I probably ought to, braced everything up and put a smile on my face.

    Because my little girl, she had turned three. And she deserved that from me, the happy and the smiling and the Very Happy Birthday she kept telling me she was having.

    And I smiled and breathed deep when the tears threatened to flow. Because my little girl had turned Three and there should be no room for grief here.

    I smiled at the barbeque in her honour. I held my shit together, helped along by more elastic bandaging than one person should fashionably wear. I smiled and laughed and took photos.

    Inside, I died a little.

    Because this is not how it should have been. We were not meant to be missing someone so badly that breathing hurts.

    Amy turned Three and my world started to crumble. My walls, built up over these last ten weeks fell apart.

    ***

    My physio set me adrift yesterday.

    Here are your exercises, make sure you do them, feel free to ring me with questions, make an appointment if you need more braces, goodbye.

    Somehow I can only think that I’m not the success story she was hoping for.

    Treating Ehlers Danlos is not an easy task. I know this.

    Still. I was hoping for a little more.

    Hopefully my next referral gets me somewhere.

    ***

    Adrift.

    Washed in a sea of grief.

    Sinking, through the bubbles.

    Not breathing.

    Until suddenly I am.

    Breathing again.

    Because I have to.

    ***

    Today was hard. Harder than I expected, harder than I’d have ever imagined.

    ***

    Today Amy turned Three and it was bittersweet.


  • THREE!

    Today Amy turned three.

    She had a ball.

    More tomorrow when I can actually type and edit some photos.

  • Millions of Ideas

    A million ideas whirl through my head.

    Flavours for a wedding cake, learning to cook gluten free, things we can do today.

    Unfortunately, my body is completely unable to keep up as I stagger around the house holding myself together. Parenting is perfect when done from a horizontal level. Perfect for me at least. Eventually the kids will need feeding or changing and I’ll have to stand back up, a larger undertaking than I’d like it to be.

    I’ve had the flu and my brain is still foggy from it. Writing is not coming easily today, yet I still want to share; to write. A project of mine sits calling me. I don’t think my wrists will hold together long enough to do any substantial work on it. I set it aside. I could work on it, at the expense of tomorrow’s movement. I’m not willing to give that up though.

    Tomorrow I have physio. I was meant to have been doing exercises for this last fortnight.

    Unfortunately stability ball + Amy + 2 cats + a baby + the flu = no time/energy for exercise.

    The cats run over the ball, making me thankful that it’s hard rubber. Amy jumps on me. Isaac cries.

    In order to have space, I need to clean up the toys first. By the time that is done, I really need to lay down with my feet up before I fall over.  It’s not conducive to exercises.

    Instead I practise tightening and releasing all of the muscles I can feel in turn. It’s not enough, nor is it what has been prescribed, but mobility has not been my strong point this week.

    I worry that the physio is just making me tired and isn’t quite tailored for what I need. It’s exhausting, having to hold yourself together to move. It leaves me with another thing I need to be doing, when all I want to do is sleep.

    I can’t bend at the moment. Leaning over and then standing back up is more of an effort than I’d like it to be. The pain through my pelvis tells me that things are slipping, that I’m not holding it together well enough. My hips slip in and out of joint as I walk. I ignore it, thankful to still be able to walk.

    It’s sunny outside. I sit on the grass and lean over to pull weeds from the garden. Isaac gurgles behind me, thrilled to be outside, pulling at the grass. His bouncer bounces frantically as he tries to kick himself out of it and into the dirt.

    I know he’d love the dirt, but I’m not ready for that yet. Plus, the grass is wet.

    Amy bounces on the trampoline. Golden highlights glint in her hair as she smiles. I like her again. I never stopped loving her, but she was a hard child to like some days. She was difficult. I don’t remember how I coped. Moment to moment I suspect. It was bad. It’s better now. Gluten is Evil.

    Everything runs together in my mind.

    A million thoughts. A million ideas.

    There is an open home for Nan’s house next weekend. Surely that’s too soon? How come we’re moving so fast all of a sudden?

    But then, there would never be enough time for me to come to terms with it. I need to just keep breathing, one foot in front of the other. There isn’t enough time to dwell. Not enough time to grieve either, but I can’t create more time.

    Millions of thoughts. Rushing past, like water under a bridge. Or the bubbles that float past as you sink into the ocean.

    I feel I’m drowning in a sea of grief and anxiety. Everything is blue and the bubbles are rushing past faster as everything slows down.

    I don’t have time for this. I push to the surface and breathe.

    Just breathe.

    One step after another, tightening muscles as I go.

    One breath after another, holding myself together.

    ****

    Unrelated: I have a giveaway happening for US residents. (Sadly, not Australian ones. Grump)

    You can either click here, or click on the giveaway’s tab at the top of the page.

  • Giveaway

    Hi guys, I have a giveaway running at the moment. You can click HERE to find it.